Foundation

I am a cradle-Catholic. My Filipina mother had me baptized a month after my birth. And she married a Catholic man. I had no choice but to be Catholic in my youth. I still recall the churchs we attended still had some of the mass in Latin. My parents weren't zealously devout (we didn't attend every day) but they were strict (I couldn't attend an evening Reconciliation class without dressing in Sunday best).

But as a child I didn't love my religion because I was made to. I loved it because I felt close to God. I felt holy. I would sit in the pews not paying attention to the homily. I would allow my eyes to go blank staring at the altar. I could see the heavenly lights emanating from the statues, the priest, the crucifix. I felt I was holding a secret, one so important.The history and ceremony of the Catholic Church only encouraged me to fantasize about my own importance in life.

As I got older, I questioned my importance more. I questioned God's importance. I questioned if Catholicism really explained my spirituality. So I stop going to church (and yes, truthfully...I was a bit lazy. You know how the teenage years can be).

But I was never without God. I yelled at Him. I cursed Him. I pled with Him. I asked His forgiveness. I always turned back to Him in joy and sorrow. And throughout my life I learned about other religion through school, people, my own reading to find a doctrine close to the one I had developed.

I don't wholly agree with any organized religion. I don't trust any of them. All of them were created by man professing to know God's will. Relgion is not God. Religion is a man-made institution. Fallible men with their fears, prejudices, questions. Affirmatively declaring you know God only makes God human and full of fault.

But I return time and time again to the Catholic church. Out of loyalty? Fear? Loneliness? Beauty? History?

Comments

[Ivette]

I grew up being Catholic, that's what I was thought. Later on, when you're growing up and feel it's time to make your own decissions, I tried to learn a bit more about others religions, and came back to the same. Now, there are maybe many things I don't agree with, but, there's something there and keeps me going back and I think I'm thankful for that...
original comment from 11/26/03 10:51 AM