Catalyst

I imagine that if I find the one thing missing in my life, everything else will fall into place. I'm having problems though discovering what I'm lacking. I frantically search every day for the thing....the thing that fell out of my pocket. The thing that perhaps is like a plug at the bottom of my soul like the drain plug at the bottom of the tub. Everything of substance is draining from me after it swirls madly about in me. But what is it? What's that plug to keep my well from running dry? What is the thing that I can place back in my pocket and continue on my way?

Money? Perfect career? Parents who support me no matter what? Being beautiful? A husband? College degree? Infamy? Can I find it in a book? In a drug? At church? Through meditation? Travelling? Psychotherapy? With a self help guru? Do I need to run for it or sit quietly? Do I need to ask for help or do it myself? Do I leave it to God or just take matters in my own hand? Will it come to me like St. Augustine's conversion on the road or will it be silent?

sigh....