Gye Nyame

I had been looking for the right tattoo for several years. I knew I wanted a spiritual symbol. I promised myself I would never put another person's name on my body. Relationships with people end and I didn't want "George" tattoed across my breast (by the way, there is no George) long after the fantastic trysts in bed had ended. I had thought about something Celtic, perhaps something circular, then something Japanese, and toyed with something written in Hebrew But I didn't find anything of value.

Until...

I came across a bookmark in Booksamillion. This beautiful symbol that looked Japanese and had this circular flow to it. Gye Nyame (jeh-N-yah-mee) -"except God" This African representation that nothing happens in life without the presence of God. There is nothing except God, omnipotent and omniscient. Always in one's life.

That's my view of my living. I've done everything with God involved. The affair with the married Fred. The traipsing to California and subsequent conception of Emma. My attempted suicide. My infatuation and love for certain people in my life. My volitile relationship with Mrs. Devine. My bipolar. Every major and minor event in my life has happened with God.

I think this is why I've been so anger filled especially at religions but namely at God. He has this power to fix my life. Yes, I know....it's not broken. I'm not broken. BUT I feel I am. Religion says pray and give and give more and pray until your knees are red. Prayers will be answered. When? I ask. In God's time. God gives what we need and not what we want.

I don't think I want much. I want to love myself. I want to give my daughter a foundation so strong that when she's out in the world, she'll have the spine to stand up for herself and others. I want to be productive for my fellow man...on a consistent basis. I want to feel part of the world outside me.

And besides...I hate giving up that control to some unseen force that powerful empires have fought over. That people use as faulty logic for hating other cultures, homosexuality, no birth control. I hate that I'm supposed to just sit idly by and wait for the God that is shared by me and hate-mongers to change my life. I don't like that. So, I try to do for myself and in the process I sometimes give God the cold shoulder.

Despite my anger towards God, I keep talking to this omnipotent, omniscient power. I don't believe He's going to condemn me because I doubt and get angry and yell as well as love and have faith. I marked my body because I do believe in this God that is constantly here in my life. Selfishly though, I wish that He would just let it go my way sometimes.

Comments

[Vanessa]

Hello All...This is 4 years after the fact but I was just exposed to Gye Name meaning this particular word and its meaning. God however has always been apart of my life, my very existence. Having that as a truth of myself at an early age(7) has proven to be a difficult concept to trust in latter in my life. I am 25 and Life happened like it does to all us, no we don't have the same experiences. I was raised Christian-Baptist denomination, yes i am still active in my church i believe that Religion is a Sin. Back in 2004 God started to reveal himself to me...He is nothing but LOVE. We are nothing but Stars-electromagnetic waves on the wavelength of LOVE. The problem is only a small portion of us humans know and believe this revelation truth. I was sexually abused since i was 5 by several pple and I thought it was just normal, yeah how was i suppose to know any different. But I was sexually abused by my stepfather from age 12-14 even then i thought it was "okay". I told my family, he went to jail for 18months and my life has never been the same. I never held any unforgiveness in my heart for him because I knew that was Him but an evil spirit/force controlling him. But it destroyed almost destroyed my relationship with my parents/family. Ultimately destroyed Vanessa the being God created the Love. Its been such a long journey...but God. I have read all the comments up to this point and yes throughout it all God has remained constant...he never leaves simply bc if we live in his spirit it goes with us everywhere. We can sometimes leave him tho. I too have a son he will be 5 this month...he is my lifesaver he helped me to rediscover that love. When I celebrate his birthday i celebrate myself. 2008 is a symbolic to new beginning...this is my year for Greatness--greatness from Vanessa to Vanessa i owe it to myself. We all owe it to ourselves to love ourselves past our own pain, to find out who God truly is, who he says we are,what he says we can do and NOT/REFUSE to live in fear which is of the Enemy/dark forces of the world. Perfect love casts out all fear and perfect love covers a multitude of sins. Let's grow together in unity and Love...In seeing GOD we see ourselves!

Agape*

[Naomi]

You are so welcomed, Stephanie. It's a good place to be when you discover that God is there all the time. Regardless of religion or denomination, it's just a fantastic feeling of always being covered with that though that God has your back.

[Stephanie]

i just wanted to say i believe and agree with what you have said here. i have that same tattoo [on the inside of my left wrist] and, as you stated above, the presence of God in everything i do, everything i believe, everything i am, is the reason i wanted this particular tattoo. im not sure if i read you correctly, but i too have a child [daughter] from a relationship i had with a married man. i go on..with God, in everything i do. thank u

[Alicia]

I have found at the times when I love myself most, my life is most balanced. Which came first? I don't know :) But I love when it happens.

[Naomi]

You are very right, Alicia. No misunderstanding. It's exactly how I want Emma to address the world. Go into it knowing that everything is within her reach, things will move under her touch, and she is responsible with her interactions. I also want her to know that even though she is to learn from this world through her own volition; I will always be here for her to turn to in time of need.

I think sometimes I forget that I'm not unlike Em or anyone else. I get bogged down with my own fight, just get tired of fighting the same battles and just want a little rest...a crutch to help me hobble along.

I think I also have the tendency to compare God to my parents. People who failed me in so many ways and think God is only doing the same thing. Thus my rants for proof of His control in my life.

But I need to find a balance of discovering and living the world with my control and "leaving it to God" ie...let things go that are beyond my control.

I'm trying to gain control without overdoing it. I think you've hit the nail on the head...it's a matter of loving myself and realizing I'm worthwhile. Perhaps balance will follow that?

[Alicia]

I love the symbol you have chosen here. Especially what it means to you. I also want to put in my two cents and you can tell me if I am misunderstanding what you are saying.

You are a parent. Would you let your child have things her way until she is capable of handling those situations in ways that won't hurt her? Do you expect less of God?
On the other hand, don't you let your daughter do many things herself so she learns to be self-sufficient and have confidence? Don't you think God does the same?
Lastly, do you fix all of Emma's problems, or do you let her figure some of them out on her own? If you were to always be there for her, would she ever learn to stand on her own feet? And...you know the question...do you expect less from God?

Did I completely misunderstand what you were saying? Keep your control. it is also a god given gift. This from someone who also doesn't talk to Him. I say good for you for taking control of your life. I think it is the ultimate goal, for us and for that God guy.

it is hard to love ourselves. so hard. but you are worthwhile. You are doing the right thing.