Karma

The reincarnation post has brought about some great comments. I would love to hear more from people.

My sis called today and we started talking about karma. She's had a few unhappy moments this past week and she thinks is due to her because of bad karma. If anyone deserves bad karma, it's not Jenn. I tried to tell her that she shouldn't see it as bad karma but a test of her strength. A test of her belief in herself.

I'm a horrible hypocrit, aren't I? I'm the first to think I deserve the ill in my life. And with certain bad decisions in my life, those tough times are just play out of my choices. BUT those things beyond my control? I see it as punishment. Leading back to reincarnation and my belief of choosing my life before creation.

I think sometimes of why I would have chosen this life's journey. I'm not happy with it. I'm not happy with myself. So why pick this harder one than someone who doesn't have even close to the number of disadvantages I have?

It's a matter of perspective then, isn't it? Telling Jenn it's a matter of strength in oneself. We tell each other that there is reason behind the ill, a silver lining to every dark cloud. That in the end there is a just cause. But it's so much harder to convince ourselves of such well-meaning platitudes.

We don't give ourselves enough credit that we are on course. That we are trying. I know I'm the first to be cruel to myself. If you could only hear how hateful I am on a daily basis. And I have this horrible belief that I deserve it; it's karma for my actions.

So, what did I do to deserve the circumstances beyond my control?

Was I abusive to my chilren in a previous life so I got stuck with a mother so controlling, so hateful, so mean? Was I a selfish bastard that refused to help my fellow man by donating so I'm now constantly battling poverty? Was I a mean, cheating spouse so now I'm without love in my life?

Giving myself credit...

I have to see that I fight daily to be unlike my mother giving Em more of me than I had ever received of Mrs. Devine. Just the fact that Em is unafraid to hug and kiss me is so much better than what I have with my mother. I feel like Pinocchio with my mother...a wooden being wanting more life and doing idiotic things for that thrill of being alive in her presence.

I have to see that I may have noooo money but I have values that I would die for. I would still help my fellow human with my last dollar and my last dying breath.

I have to see that I have the love of my friends, my child, and other people I admire.

I told my sis that if she deserves what's going on then obviously she's a good person. Why would God place into her hands two beautiful little boys that mean the world to her. Test of strength. Matter of perspective.

Comments

[Ali]

But even pinocchio became a real boy. He finally had faith in himself. Just like you can. :) HUGS!!

[Naomi]

I think unfortunately that we look at bad as something outside or separate from the world. We get suprised or thrown off when things outside the positive happen. Kind of a glib attitude, don't you think? Life is not quite right without the bad stuff. I'm not by all means condoning people of the bad or evil things they choose to do. BUT the universe isn't balanced if all we have is good...or all bad.

The yin/yang symbol is quite appropriate at the moment. The balance of two opposite forces interdependent and part of a whole. Like twins within a womb. Separate parts but part of the same circle.

The Protestants in early American history had the fire and brimstone view of God. In recent history, we focus more on a forgiving and loving father as our creator. Both images are God. Nothing happens without God's ultimate doing..including the bad.

I don't know how to quite explain what I mean.

Hmmm? In even the worst, we can carry something positive from it. There is good to be had. Perhaps I'm at my core, an optimist...or a hopeless romantic thinker. I don't know. It gives me hope that I can achieve some good from the bad in my life. That I can recover from the bad decisions I've made by learning from mistakes and doing something to prevent them from happening again.

[Lori]

I like what you wrote about prayers are not answered in the way that we want them, but in the way that we need them to be. That is really meaningful!

Come to think of it, this is how the universe works. I can recall making a few prayers, and something else came about instead---what needed to come about, not what I wanted to come about!

While some of the trials we go through are meant to balance out karma, I would like to think that some of the difficulties we endure are to help us grow and learn, and aren't linked to karmic balancing.

I've often wondered, though, what is the point of us not remembering our previous lives easily. One of my favorite spiritual authors touched upon this, saying that if we remembered who we were, and who someone else was, we may not get on with what we are supposed to. Example would be to try to have a love affair again with an old lover who is involved with someone else, and in doing so you break up a family. However, I think in some cases it may be best not to remember who did what to whom, because that could lead to some pretty nasty cases of revenge, and then how is the karma balanced?

The question I've been pondering is what exactly is balanced karma? Is that a 50-50 of good and bad, or is it being all good? Or is it something else entirely? I think it is something else, an idea I can't quite wrap my mind around.

[Naomi]

Most definitely Alicia...I always wondered about the bipolar but came to reason that if I can help someone who isn't as high functioning as I am, then it's been worth it. And my role as mother is so much more important to me, I think because of the type of relationship I have with my own parents. If I raise a woman who is compassionate and strong in herself, then it is worth all the pain.

Perhaps we don't act on the wisdom we've learned because we're fearful of what we'll have in the end. They say about prayer that all prayers are answered...not necessarily in the way we want them but in the way we need them to be. So, putting lessons learned in practice sometimes means we go in directions we don't really want to. We try to fight tooth and nail to keep on the track we want and not what we need.

Lessons in practice have their time. They'll be used when we are ready for them. In the meantime, they'll keep coming back at us....history repeating itself.

[Alicia]

great posts and great thoughts, Naomi! I have some theories on why we choose these hard lives for ourselves, or why we make them this way. Do you think you have learned what being a good parent is by dealing with your mother and then dealing with Em? That's a good reason right there. You bore the pain so you can learn how important how you treat your daughter is. If I think about it, every hardship has taught me something. Some have taught me things I still refuse to act on, even though I know what the right thing is and I am not doing it. Maybe that's a lesson in and of itself, learning that everything is as it should be and to stop beating myself up.

I have great faith in the way our universe works. Even the times when I hate how it's working.