Forgive me Father. I have sinned.

Reminders that this is Holy Week all over the place. I've been a bad Catholic girl for a while now (no comments) having not gone to mass in over a year. Em hasn't had her First Penance or First Communion and she's almost nine. In a few years, she'd be old enough for Confirmation. I'm a lapsed Catholic.

I do miss church but have been feeling completely anti-social towards the Catholic community here. I just don't like any of the churches that I've been to thus far (I stopped trying after four). I've got God caught up with my dissatisfaction with religion and parenting. God's just not the same anymore which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But this is about church...not God. That's an odd statement to make, isn't it? I want a community to be part of and help me express my faith. I don't like alot of the Protestant denominations. I've found them judgemental towards other religions and other Christian denominations. I've experienced them as hostile and full of fallacies when it comes to other organized faiths. I'm pretty open-minded and I know I shouldn't lump-sum them but they're just not my cup of tea. So, I'm still tied by that fine thread to Catholicism.

When I talk to my friend Hristos, I feel drawn to the Greek Orthodox. Very similar and almost parallel in ceremony. I'm not however, going to walk into an Orthodox church on my own. Need a hand to hold before doing that.

I think about abandoning Christianity altogether...or the Christian religions, rather. My spirituality isn't quite mainstream Christian anyways. There's a mix of things in me that I've unconsciously picked up from different friends and studies and books. Is it possible to incorporate world religions into your frame of thinking and still feel grounded in faith? The old 'stand for nothing, fall for everything' at work?

I don't know. Part of my self-imposed separation from God. I'm conflicted about religion. I'm disgusted that man has defecated on spirituality and called it religion. I'm losing faith in man more and more and unfortunately God is being punished as well.

I know I'm miss the sense of belonging. Maybe that's it. I can remain outside the church but need some sort of societal group to belong.

I do miss Mass though.

Comments

The question is not whether or not you go to church. The question is: Are you comfortable with your faith as it is? Are you unhappy? Then do something about it.
Faith is not about going to church, faith is about acting out what you feel is right.

[nicole]

I spent many years out of the Catholic Church. I was disgusted by the men who ran it, the politics in it...blah blah.

But I reached a point where I decided that I just had to go back to the Church simply to love God, and to thank God.

I can put up with the rest in order to do that.

So, for what it's worth, maybe someday you can reach that point as well.

I'll keep you in my prayers...that you find some peace and comfort in your spirituality and your expression of it.

[Ali]

I love the picture. You look so adoreable. As for christianity and religion....I hope that God will lead you to something that you are searching for. Fortunately for me...I don't put too much belief on Human beings or nature. Were fallible beings. Not saying I hate people...I adore most people...others I can do with out. Personally I think God has nothing to do with the characters we portray. We are free agents to do as we please. So in any congregation one will find bigots, and adulters, and blabber mouths. It is unfortunate....but church is suppose to be for the sick. To fuel our souls with "The Word".

Why I don't go to church is for similar reasons as yourself. One gets so invovled in church activities and wrapped up in that world....and forget the reason we go to church is to actually listen to the sermon. Which gives one fuel for another day. Arming us to survive the daily trials that come before us. Yes daily communion at home is just as good, but I think we are creatures who need to socialize and want honest people in our lives. It's almost like going to work everyday. We do it to get paid...we worship to get paid in a different manner (bringing up our spirituality). Bringing us closer to the father. This is my belief and I know not everyone believes the same...but that is what makes us individuals and individuality is good. :) FREE AGENTS....yes we are and thank goodness for that.