The Easter Bunny is dead...

...and my daughter is so very hurt. If you ever want to know what real pain is, crush your child's dreams. It's silly. And you may think that children need a healthy dose of reality. You may also think that the Easter bunny is an insignificant superflous, gluttonous thing and Em is better off. But you are wrong. To Emma, the Easter Bunny is like a guarantee that no matter what...life is still ok. And know I've taken that away and planted in her thoughts that Santa doesn't exist and who knows what else.

My child has dealt with no father. She's seen her grandmother get arrested because for domestic violence on me. She's lived in a homeless shelter. She's moved several times already in her short life. She has an emotionally crippled woman as her mother. And I couldn't give her the fucking Easter Bunny.

She's supposed to be like normal kids who discover the bunny is not real from other kids or catching their parents in the act. Not because mom has to explain that she's not going to get a basket this year because I have nothing to put in it for lack of funds. What was I supposed to do?! Not tell her and let her wake up on Sunday to find nothing? Let her think she's done something wrong and doesn't deserve a basket?

I broke her heart tonight. And it hurts. I will never forgive myself for continually giving her broken dreams and worry and instability and dysfunctional family. As much as I've not wanted to do this to my child, I'm forcing her to grow up faster than she should. I've run so hard from my parents, not wanting to be like them that I came around full circle and still am no success as a parent.

Remember those Cadbury egg commercials?

"Thank you, Easter bunny."

Comments

[Mike]

Vitamin D deficiency causes depression this time of year. see www.drmikemerrill.com
try 2,000 units a day
(I'm not making any money from this)

[graceless]

have you ever read Tom Robbins' "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues"? I'm thinking of a monologue that Bonanza Jellybean has, goes a l'il sumpin' like this:

"You know the difference between fantasy and reality, doncha? Fantasy is when you wake up 3 a.m. Christmas Eve so crazy excited you can't possibly get back to sleep. But when you go downstairs in the morning and look under that tree -- podner, that's reality. And they teach us to believe in Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. Wondrous critters both of 'em. And then one day they tell us there isn't any Santa Claus or easter Bunny, it was mamma and daddy all along. So we fell a bit cheated but after all, we got the goodies, no matter where they came from, and the Tooth Fairy never had much credibility to begin with..... Okay. So, they let you dress up like a cowgirl. And when you say "I'm gonna be a cowgirl when I grow up.," they laugh and say "Ain't she cute." Then one day they tell us, "look, honey, you can't really be a cowgirl, cowgirls are only play." And that's when I holler "Wait a minute! Hold on here. Santa and the Easter Bunny I understand, they were nice lies and I don't blame you for them. But now you're screwin' around with me personal identity, with my plans for the future! What do you mean I can't be a cowgirl?"

[Lori]

Stop and think a moment if you could give Em everything she wanted in life, never a bad day, and never anything but peachy keen she'd never know pain, suffering, and sadness. It is noble to want to give that to her, but not realistic. We need our pain and suffering just as much as our happiness, because we grow from both of these experiences. In fact, I'd say that our pain and suffering is the greater motivator for us to grow, whereas our happiness causes us to fall prey to inertia.

I'm thinking of all of the people I know who I admire and are strong, and what their life experiences have been. Those who have a silver spoon in their mouth only know how to take, how to think of themself and not others, and collapse whenever the slightest thing doesn't go their way.

Those who have had to walk through the shadows from time to time, who have had to struggle and find the courage to continue despite the negativity, and come through it bruised and yet healed of those bruises, are the people who have something to give to others, who have the strength that others seek out in time of need.

Both you and Em chose each other, your spirits long ago decided that the life that the two of you could offer each other is what you both needed in order to become whole, to grow in spirit and in love.

You may not be able to give Em an Easter basket, but in your heart you wish you could, and you have a great love that cannot be dimished even if the Easter Bunny cannot visit. This is what is truly important, that Em is loved, and that your intention is there. She may not realize it now, but she will, that her mother's love is far more precious than chocolate eggs eaten long ago.

I say this because, my mother felt that giving an Easter basket was far more important than giving her love or giving of herself. I don't remember a single gift from any Easter, but I do remember that when I needed her to love me, to be there for me, she was noticeably void, always conveniently replaced with a gift.

[Ali]

That's a tough thing to do. :( But like Alicia said above...the easter bunny and santa are in our hearts...and doesn't mean you need to get something...thats not what the holidays are about. It's about sharing stories...and time with the ones you love. I never got an easter basket for easter. It was a time as a family we got dressed up in our best clothing and went out to a park, or took a drive to a very scenic site. It was a time we shared with each other the joy of the day (From a christian perspective), it is a day when flowers come to bloom, birds are a chirping, and we as a family came together. Easter was explained to be the day Christ resurrected. That's how I've always known it to be.