I had a nightmare Tuesday night that left me scared to my core. I don't recall all the aspects of it save for a few moments.
I was standing behind Christ's left side about a hundred feet. He was crucified and still alive. The amount of energy I felt in my soul leads me to believe that I saw the entire Passion played out before that moment. I was terribly upset and think I was crying hysterically. I recall that there were some people there but have details of who. I was fixed on watching Jesus. Then he turned to look at me, straining his neck to face me. He was dirty and bloody and quite sad. There was accusation in his eyes. Then suddenly he was beheaded. His decapitated head rolled to my feet. I was screaming.
I woke up at this point and was scared of what was in the house. I was afraid of the dark and what it held. I wandered from my room to the living room where I felt safer to sleep. I quickly forced myself to think of other things before my eyes slid shut. My heart was racing. My face and chest ached like I had been crying hard for hours. But the worse feeling was that Jesus was royally pissed at me. That he was going to find me and take revenge. And I never felt more responsible in my life.
I only felt responsible when he looked at me. Until that point, I felt removed. I was weeping over his torture. I was upset that people, other people not me, had done this to him.
I'm fearful of my religious dreams. I have them often and they are not pleasant. They mostly contain demons and the lot.