Light and Darkness

Changes

Yep...I'm at the old Photoshop again. Don't get too comfortable with the colors as of yet. Not sure if I'm too happy with them, myself. Not too much of a purple person. Blah! Purple. Hints of it are ok. But too much and I run.

For any of you interested in looking at those pictures in my banner (don't know why any of you would be interested in what I looked like but hey, who am I to argue), I'm going to be posting them in a photo album so you can see the various ages of me. It's not life inclusive but some of my favorites and some of the better ones I pulled out of the albums at home.

I had a slew of things to talk about today but my time is almost up here at the library and so....I leave you. Hope all is well.

UPDATED: Told you....I'm just not a purple girl. Added a few more pictures and captions to the photo album.

Juicy details of my life

Should be a title for a blog, don't you think?

Ok...so the news of the life of me.

I have been in lines out the wazoo for help as a result of Ivan. Seen emergency food stamp people, Red Cross and FEMA.

Haven't received our food stamps as of yet so I haven't been able to throw away the food from the fridge. Have been eating MRE's which I must say are much better than they were when I was child of a military man but still eating them regularly is not a pleasant experience for those who have to breathe in the same air that you are voicing your just recently devoured pre-packaged culinary delights. High in protein but not so great on the digestive tract. Red Cross has been kind and gave us some money for gas and storage for our belongings. Thank you, oh gods of the Red Cross. AND I just received money from FEMA. Woo Hoo! The US Department of Treasury will be in my thanks and praises to the Lord Almighty tonight.

Let me say that, I have been worried about a few things since discovering that my little house that could is more injured than first believed. Worried about what will become of belongings when we have to move our for the repairs. Still no word about whether or not everything has to be moved out or if corners of our house will suffice for storage. The expense of storage sucks! SUCKS, I tell you. Blah! But the generosity of others have been kind. Sooooo, just now waiting on what the insurance adjuster says tomorrow and the estimates and time frame of the contractor. I recommend that none of you voluntarily go through a storm (like you would have a choice). But tempting the Fates, I don't think you should try it....I know. I was a fool so many weeks ago. Oh well.

Going through the motions of finding a job. Everyone seems to be hiring now. I know it's time for temporary help due to the oncoming holidays but I really do believe that the storm has something to do with the amount of jobs out there now. I'm excited at the possibilities.

My brother is now in Tennessee to help out with my dad. Still an upsetting thing to talk about. Mom has gotten more details about his physical state, and I am not at all pleased. If there were someone to kick in the ass for this, I surely would have done so by now. Hell, I'd have that person on my daily schedule for a Naomi asskicking.

On a strange note and completely off of any subject, I have been having regular periods for a couple of months now. They're not the same length of time or the same flow (yes, I know men...you don't freaking care....so what. My blog. Ha!); but they are coming on their own with no need of assistance of extra hormones. YEAH FOR THE FLOW!!! WOO HOO!!!

Let's see....what else?! Hmmmmmmm.....

Even more sexually frustrated as usual. Weird sexual dreams of cheetahs mating and such. Not that I'm into bestiality...because I'm not....but these dreams (which I'm sure are metaphors of my own sexual nature) have been fucking hot! A pair of cheetahs excape from a zoo or preserve and find their home in my backyard. They are wild yet very docile with me. The male cat which is HUGE regularly comes up to me and rubs against me like a domestic cat would wanting to be scratched on its back. I can sense its fertility and raw animal lust. It does well living in my backyard which is on a large hill with an expanse of grass. He and its mate copulate several times. It's not until it tries to eat my cats that I call animal control to come and remove them. Strange.

Much more to say but my time on the computer is done for the day. Shit!!! I miss home internet.

Hope all of you get a good shag in today!

Emma's Contribution

Em painted this at school before the storm. I absolutely am in love with my kid!

Vagabond's Farewell

Just letting you know....Vagabond may disappear after December. My account expires then and I may not be able to renew. With the greatest kindness and love from a friend, I was able to keep it up and running this year. THANK YOU FRIEND!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! Wanted to give you a head's up. I may run back to Diaryland or some other free journalling community.

Any suggestions of free places would be greatly appreciated.

Can you hear me now?

Yes, I know. It's overdone. But coming up with titles kill me sometime. I either pick the most obscure thing in my head that I understand but then have to spend time illustrating the link between "Fishheads swimming in the toilet bowl of life" and having a cell phone. OR I can just use the shaggy, thin, cliched line that has become the tag line for EVERY mobile phone user on the friggin planet.

Well....

Shawn is moving to Tennessee to help Pop through this time. He's leaving behind friends and girlfriend here. My brother has been a quiet hero of mine for years (since he was a child who overcame leukemia).

In the process of leaving his Pensacola life, the cell phone that Mom purchased for him including the plan has been bequeathed to me. So finally, WORLD...I am no longer in isolation from this communication frenzy world. Out of boredom, which comes quite frequently, I'm text messaging emails. Don't be surprised if you see a random act of Naomi in your email boxes.

On another note, the damage to my home has proven more substantial than simple shingle/roof cap disappearance. The rain that poured in on Ivan night seeped into the blown insulation. The ceiling in Em's room is starting to slowly buckle in...ever so slowly at a snail's pace. WHICH MEANS....We are reportedly going to become two of the displaced in Pensacola. I'm not happy with this. I have no choice in the matter but I still can say that THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!! (note: I have a bit of a temper.)

Em returns to school on Monday. YAY!!!!

AND despite the obvious knock to our economy here...businesses are advertising for jobs (more seem to be available now than before the storm). Gonna find me a job! Gonna find me a job! The job I had lined up before the storm didn't pan out. It was with my mother but her business (she's a seamstress) has shown a decline in patronage. It's almost 'back to business' but I fear it will take a few months before she sees the revenue as before the storm.

I've always believed all things happen for a reason. Em and I had a discussion about religion the other day (whilst we were waiting for Shawn to bring a spare set of keys from my house...I locked my keys in the car). My belief is that good comes out of everything. Circumstances and people can be 'bad/evil' but if one achieves insight/wealth/good/blessings from such circumstance/people and then do good from such....aren't bad/evil things good in disguise?! I know it doesn't always make it bearable (remember, you're talking to the queen of whine here).

Ok, I'll stop. I'm rambling and losing my point among the words.

since last time

The city is moving forward from Ivan.

Em returns to school on the eleventh, which is my dad's birthday. The school district's fall break which was scheduled for the falling week has been cancelled. Don't know which other breaks will be cancelled or shortened due to the long school absence.

My house is showing signs of more damage. Integral parts of the roof were whipped away by the winds. Rain entered the house through the roof damage and NOW we're seeing what invisible things lie above our heads. Water spots, ceiling buckling, and paint prickling have appeared. The carpet (a Berber-type) has large water stains...the color was chosen to hide dirt and such but the stains are obvious. And the insurance agent isn't expected for another couple of weeks.

My brother is going to Tennessee to help my dad for a bit. Don't know how long he's going to be gone but Pop and Sheila need his help. I think Allison is going with him. I don't want to talk any more about him...every time I think about it, I cry. I tried going through the Parkinson website but would break down each time.

My mother is being amazingly warm. On our way back from Tennessee, we had a heart-to-heart. We always do...stuck in a car for seven hours, there isn't much else to do but talk. I think I said things that finally made her sit up and notice. We talked about my illness. I told her that I was going to kill myself one day. That she shouldn't be surprised. I wasn't going to leave her a note. I've tried for years to explain myself and there isn't any more to say. She didn't say anything else after that.

When my father was diagnosed, Mom was the one that came over and told me. And she said things about helping me. Nothing different than before. BUT she said it and other bits with such earnest. I think the seriousness of my father's illness and my own struggles have hit her...I don't know what to say.

Emotionally, I've been doing surprisingly well. I've had these huge bursts of activity. My house is clean with normal "a family lives here" untidiness. Nightmares still. Despite the "up" I still feel very alone. And the suicide tendencies are still sitting in the back of my head. Life goes on, doesn't it?! Hurricanes and other peoples' crisis do not cure the emotionally fucked-up.

Still looking for a job. Found a few leads that will hopefully be economically and emotionally promising. We'll see.

Have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Dr. Knight is going to kick my ass for the lack of care I've been showing my body over the last year....I don't mind. It's always fun seeing him....He's my boyfriend. I haven't told him or his wife yet but you know. Makes the physical exam more fun when your doc is eye candy.

Not much in my life.

Planning on participating in NaNo WriMo. I don't know how successful I'll be but there is nothing to lose. If you've had an inkling in writing a book, here's your chance to jumpstart your urge. DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

I'll be back tomorrow. Hope everyone is well. My best to all of you.

outlet

Noone I know seems to be online. I need someone to talk to. NO friggin phone. NO friggin friends online. I need someone to weep to.

A mailman, a boxer, an actor and the pope walk into a bar...

...

sounds like the horrible opening line to a bad joke, doesn't it?!

I found out yesterday that my father has finally been diagnosed. He has Parkinson disease. There's not much to say about this at the moment because I'm just mourning right now.

I know he is still alive but I've seen what Parkinson can do to a person. In case you haven't heard about this crippling disease, remember what Muhammed Ali (boxer), Michael J. Fox (actor) and Pope John Paul were like before the disease took control of their bodies.

My father is a young man still...in comarison to the extended longevity of today's people. He will be fifty-three on October 11. He is in the midst of a second career (post office) after having retired from the Marine Corps in 1990 after twenty years. He only got married for the second time two years ago to a young woman. And after surviving a brain aneurysm over a decade ago, he's told to expect a life of physical decline.

I hate the circumstances of life.