Light and Darkness

Sleepless A darkness has

Sleepless A darkness has settled in my soul this long night and I wish I had a priest or other compassionate ear here to listen.

"Germino is my middle name...in spanish it means I-RRRRRR-esponsible."

I'm quitting my job tomorrow. For the sake of piece of mind, I'm not going into detail here in the blogging world why. I'm not a short and sweet, kind of a storyteller and really, I don't have that much time left here on the library lab computer. I discovered on my first day of work that I was going to have to quit, and I made it through the rest of the week. I had planned on waiting until I found another job to replace this one but I fear I'll not survive that long. I'd rather just cut my losses with the place and just leave...after only three days.

sigh...

I was working in a nursing home in the business office. The people are nice. I have no issues with meanies or such rot like that. I really enjoy the prospect of being surrounded by the elderly and the infirmed. BUT the issues already encountered in THREE DAYS time over a huge issue such as benefits and such. I've already gone home crying every day...AFTER THREE DAYS!!!

Already saying horrible things about myself in my head. Not going to bash myself online for all of you to read. It's embarrassing enough to be a bluthering idiot as is.

sigh...

Eck!

Oh well...just have to get another job. I'm worried but not worried. I have to say that I know my drugs are in effect. THANK GOD FOR TOPAMAX!!!!

On to other things. I'm revamping things around here again. Trying to make a new banner for my blog. Changing the name. Colors. All that jazz. If I had more sense, I would do the whole thing from scratch but I still haven't sat down and taught myself the basics of HTML; so I'm relying on the templates of good ol' Typepad. When I get time, things will slowly change. Had hoped to get further along but my banner is too wide for the page here and Photoshop is not installed on the lab computers so I can't tweak it the way I want to here. So...it's a back and forth game between home and here. S L O W

Spirits are up for the most part. I'm seriously glad I'm on the meds. Trying to not dwell on the shit. Bad thing is that my mania is building. Not only does my banner need tweaking, so do I. And some side effects come with the drug. I lose words and can't concentrate as well. I feel like a dummy. Don't like that.

Credit, My 20s and Regret

Bloody hell!Why couldn't I have had some of the sensibility I do now back when I was in my 20s when my credit didn't suck as bad!

Moods & Dreams

Moods have been quick.Dreams bothersome.No,disturbing.Hearing voices last few days.Manic.Taking my meds.

Got a job!

Got a job! Got a job!Got a job!woot woot Do a little dance!Get down tonight!

I miss Murray.

It hurts..

Suggestions

Everyone out there in the...good God! Dare I say it?!....BLOGOSPHERE. Since we are the users of the different blogging services, I would like suggestions. I am thinking of moving from my current home and I'm looking. My time here is almost up. So, email me or just leave comments. Let me know about your space. Be honest. I can read all the pros at the site's main pages. I need to hear from you. Tell me all. Is it easy to use? Are there lots of options? Are there lots of ways to make it look purty? Give me to scoop.

pictures

I want a digital camera...bad. I have a manual 35mm SLR with some lenses that I kept my mother from throwing out when her second husband died but never have enough money to keep me supplied with film and developing services.

ACK!

Posting

I want to post more. I really, really do. Unfortunately I'm not always in the mood to get here to the library. Just be patient with me and don't forget me. Don't give up on me to quickly. I'm not disappearing....not yet. I still have too much to say. Can't close my big mouth that easily.

I'm trying to get my life in order. Looking for a job. Seriously looking. Em and I are in serious need of viddles...about to set traps for animals in the woods and stuff...ahem, yeah...I didn't say that aloud, did I?

There have been some great jobs advertised in the last couple of days so hopefully a call for an interview or something. Now here is the tricky part. If I don't get called, I get depressed. That's always the downside of this whole prccess. Sucks. I hate looking for a job.

Probably wondering what happened to the job with my mother or as I like to poetically and so lovingly call her, "the keeper of my soul?" She fired me. It's a bit more complicated and drawn out than that. She and I had several arguements where she couldn't and wouldn't leave me alone. That's her fighting style. I agree with her to stop fights and try and make peace. I give in. I EAT MY FREAKIN WORDS! But the woman is relentless. I ask her to please stop. I ask and plead several times. I warn her that she's pushing my buttons. BUT SHE JUST LIKES TO GO ON AND ON AND ON. Well, Naomi has a point where she pushes back. And I yelled and argued. So, I walked out and didn't return for a week. I had gone through anger and then guilt and then depression. When I finally was ok, I called her and she doesn't want anything to do with me.

She hired my brother's girlfriend and some other chick he knows or someone like that.

Whatever....the keeper is crazy. CRAZY, I tell you. ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN MAD!!! Whateva. I'm not taking responsibility for that mess anymore. She can have that shit!

I'm working on a plan, people. It's in the works.

Anyway...Don't forget about me. I'll fucking be pissed. I'm serious.

UPDATE IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES: VOICEMAIL for an interview with a company in the travel industry that has eleven locations worldwide including one in the local area. YIPPEE!!!!!