I confuse myself sometimes with people younger than myself. I see young adults in their early twenties and forget that I'm no longer in that crowd. It's hard to imagine that the years between adolescence and early middle age flew by quickly.

But that's where I'm firmly heading into. When watching the Today show today, I was slapped with the realization of how much older I am than what I thought or felt I was. In my emotional being, I feel immature. I feel like that fifteen year old girl wearing the sixties clothes during Homecoming week in Jacksonville, North Carolina that was sent to the PMO station for a domestic dispute. In my mind's eye, I'm that insecure teen with little stability and little guidance battling my parents because I only wanted to be hugged and valued. And watching the Today show, I was confronted with young adults already making differences in the lives of the world's inhabitants. So young. I felt old.

Not because of chronological age. I'm far from it. I'm only thirty-two. If I live healthy, I've fifty or so years ahead of me. But in a civilization of fast-paced movers and shakers, innovators, geniuses, and entrepeneurs...I'm past my prime.

Then I was reminded of it when I spoke to Sami. My child is hitting her adolescence. She's in her pre-pubescence. She's in the short step before she's going to be on the Today show impressing an audience with her leadership, mind, and giving force.

I feel so old. I feel I've missed my chance to change the world. I've feel I wasted my potential and opportunity and my gifts. I feel I've let down the world. I think this is why I've felt so sad for so very long. I've wanted to change and I've need to change. I don't know how. And all this potential welling inside is getting old and unused.

Is there an expiration date on human potential? On our gifts? On me?

Comments

[Frances]

Oh, Naomi, your star has not yet begun to shine. You have so much to offer this world..you are a beautiful, vital YOUNG woman that has been pulled down in the mire by the pain of you past and illness...you will emerge from the muck and find yourself making a difference everywhere you go. Remember the woman with the son who was bipolar...and the understanding you gave her...you made a DIFFERENCE to her...and there are so many others out there just waiting to see the magnificant healing power of Naomi. The world is a better place because you are in it and my life is changed for the better because you are in it. I love you.

[Carrie]

Oh, please. One of our fave people, Audrey Hepburn didn't start "making a difference" till AFTER her career in movies. Jessica Tandy didn't make her first film till she was in her 80's. Jimmie Carter was criticized mercilessly for his performance in the White House. But, look around, chances are you live in a city where Mr. Carter has built houses for under-privileged families. Half the people I know (in their 60s and 70s)who do missions have waited until their spouses passed. You have plenty of time, Sprite. Listen to Dawn- and enjoy Emma while she's with you. Before you know it, she'll be all grown up.

[dawnkeyotie]

girl. *sigh* i know just how you feel.

but the answer to your question is No. there is no expiration. you are not a box of crackers with a shelf life. old as it feels, 32 is young. you have not even hit your prime, yet. embrace yourself and your life.

[Sami]

I know exactly how you feel. I get that missed-my-chance sensation all the time. I'm not giving up yet. I know there's something somewhere that I'm supposed to be doing that is awesome and fulfilling a makes a difference to someone other than me. I just haven't figured out what it is just yet. Maybe we should brainstorm together. If nothing else it's good to talk to someone about it who understands.