Once More...from the top

One last post and then I'm leaving....

Having some rough days. Got my new med, Zoloft on Friday. It's a bit of a pick me up so far. Still a bit off but not as eck (really no other way to describe it). The moods are wonky and I'm a bitch. I look at people and they just disgust me....not all but geez, there are some ugly ass people in this world.

At the same time, I'm crushing on this one particular man. Have been for a few weeks now. No, I can do nothing about it. He's in a position in my life that it would be improper...I think. But damn, it's nice to stare and flirt and all that beautiful sort of stuff. And I SWEAR Stan (yes, that's his name...Good god!) is flirting back.

I start training tomorrow at the new place of employment. I finally found my brother who is going to watch Em for me for the next two evenings. I hope he doesn't flake out on me. sigh....PLEASE LORD GOD!

For the most part, I feel unstable. I feel like each of my emotions and likes and dislikes and memories and breaths of life has a voice. So within me are thousands upon thousands of talking and screaming whispering voices. But the space within me feels like a small corner of a house. All these voices have been crammed into a forgotten, untidy, musty, swollen, stale, pungent crawlspace and the air isn't circulating so they can't breathe. They all want out. They all are pushing to get out. The activity within this confined space is mean and scared and understandingly chaotic and uncalm. And I'm trying to ignore it all because I can't break down. I'm not allowing anything more than a few of them to put their lips to a crack in the floorboards near an outside wall to take a few breaths and talk to the outside world. Sick, isn't it?

Yep...

On a lighter note in Pensacola (from Yahoo! Weather):

Currently: 79°	Partly Cloudy	High: 80°
		Low: 65°

Comments

[Becky]

I didn't read all of your postings but the ones I read were very compelling. You are very brave, smart, courageous, interesting, and humerous. I love your sarcasm!! Some of your writing touched me. (Yeah, I was already a little bit "touched") Also, some of your writings....well, I have to say, my heart bleeds for you. I know that sounds corny, but I don't care cause I don't know how else to describe it. Well, gotta go do more homework and icing my son's birthday cake for his birthday tomorrow. Yep, 4th of July baby. He'll be 11. Keep your chin up but watch where you're walking!!!!