Light and Darkness

It Sees Me When I'm Sleeping

I AM SICK!!! AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Bloody Freakin Hell!

I went to bed right after work Wednesday night because I had had a very late night the day before (I didn't get off work until 2 am. Then ran to the store for groceries. Then sat up and watched a movie.) only getting to sleep about 5:30 am and getting up two hours later for work. SO, again....home, dinner and bed.

And that's when it happened.....the damn infectious killers of the world invaded my body attacking my throat, ears, and nose. Woke up yesterday feeling like crap. Can't breathe very well out of my nose so have to thru my mouth....THAT HURTS!!! because my throat is raw. My eyes feel like they've been punched several times. EH!

Slept what I could until I had to work last night. Did ok for the most part at work. Thank the Committee that I was only working the truck and inventory last night....was not infecting food or customers.

Came home....went to bed.

WOKE UP FEELING WORSE! WHAT THE HELL?!

Now, my fucking chest is congested and I have a cough that is irritating the fuck out of my throat. Woe is me! My joints feel a bit achy too.

Eck. UGH! Bleh!

Sleep has been crappy the last few days as it was. Now, I don't want to sleep. BUT I'm sooooo tired. Stupid germs. Stupid people who gave me the stupid germs. Stupid work that allows stupid people who gave me the stupid germs. POO POO HEADS!!!!

hmph

My head hurts. The very top. Wait a sec. Let me hit it a couple times.....back.

So, I haven't been blogging. Eh, haven't felt like it. Think my creative wang has been circumscised by my meds. Just not feeling it. Kind of depresses me.

Em is in San Diego with my mother. They left on Christmas Day and are visiting my cousin and her family who moved out there a couple of months ago. She will be returning Saturday evening so we can spend the countdown together. It was her first time on an airplane and she loved it. I had hoped to take her myself for her first ride but that's ok.

I'm a bit lonely....actually more than lonely. Have been by myself for most of this time. Always goes that way. Get the house to my lonesome for a couple of days and plan to do wild and crazy things and wild and crazy things never seem to happen. I am such a completely boring person.

Christmas was just another day. I don't do holidays as I did before. I think that's been a noticeable thing I've mentioned. My sister and her family came into town before Em and mom left for California. I got a blanket and a bit of jewelry from her. My second gift this year was one of those small lotion sets you find at a pharmacy or store...received it from my secret Santa at work. Oh....dad did send me a bit of money. Hate holidays. Only enjoy birthdays, anniversaries, and I do like New Years.

Think I'm going to go back to bed before I have to work. I feel like crap. Oh, get this. On top of all the illness, I'm having my stupid period again. Just started yesterday. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?! I just finished it about nine days ago after having it for nearly three weeks. I swear. Is this some damn joke? I don't know which is worse: the lack of periods I was suffering through for years or this bloody show I'm going through now. I swear....my body hates me. That's ok. I'm not too fond of it either.
Stupid Poo Poo Head!

I need a squeege.

Can you have PMS when you are having irregular menstrual issues? Seriously, I need to know. Probably a question for the gyno. Day off from work and I feel like crap, emotionally. I have slept most of the day. Feel a bit cluttered inside my mind. Lonely. Sad. Unfinished. Blue. I've eaten more than I should have today. Craving things...why I'm thinking PMS....also feeling bloated which is another indicator. All the beautiful signs of womanly woes...HOWEVER, I've been having a damn period since the end of November. WHAT THE FUCK?! Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Just feel like I need to wipe out the muck in my brain. Feel like a claustrophobic within my own self. Blah!

sigh....

Do you realize Christmas is almost here? Eh. Don't like. Em is going to San Diego with my mother to visit my cousin and her family. Just a little sad about it, but Em is excited. I'm sure I'll be working a lot so something as fun as a trip will be good for her.

I think I'm going back to bed. Start the day over tomorrow. Better?

What the hell am I still doing up?!

A quarter to four. I should be asleep. I am actually tired too, but things are sitting on my mind. Little bit of loneliness and sadness mixed with impatience and guilt. Have been dreaming the last couple of nights...very strange dreams which is not unusual for me. But they have been populated with hundreds of people in them. People chasing. Blocking my way. Unhappy with me. Keeping me from my goal. Eh!

Too tired. Am going to sleep. Hoping for calmer dreams tonight.

Natasha is a Lesbian.

A few months ago, I bought a Betta couple. The male was a beautiful red with some blue and green and purple. The female, being a typical female fish was not as vibrant but still lovely had some of the same colors, mostly red mixed with her brown coloring. I named them Boris and Natasha after having a great conversation with Angus about famous couples.

Boris was ecstatic with his mate. He flared his fins and puffed his gills. Did that male Betta thing that you may have seen before in stores or if you have one. He was in full mating glory for Natasha. Well, Natasha wasn't too impressed at first. She, in fact, squished her body among the stones at the bottom of the tank. I would spend minutes looking for her because she would camouflage herself amongst the brown rocks, bending and twisting among the tight spaces. Felt bad, so I went back to the store and bought a log for her to find sanctuary beneath.

And she did.

After a few days, they seemed to get along. They swam together at times. Natasha would follow Boris if he didn't pay her too much attention. If he flared too much, she would hide. It was coy. It was cute. Seemed life was good in the tank. Maybe I would get some little Boris and Natashas.

Boris started hiding under the log.

Strange. But I thought nothing of it because he still came out.

Until....

I found Boris' body wrapped around the pole that leads to the filter. Chunks of him were missing. And Natasha was swimming merrily around the tank like she was queen of the castle. She swam up to the glass waiting for her Betta food. Evidently, Boris was yummy.

Natasha loved having the tank to herself...She has gotten nice and plump.

Days ago, I bought another female Betta. She is white with some color. As soon as I put her in the tank, Natasha did the strangest thing. She flared as much of herself as she could. Now, female Bettas have smaller fins so they can't put on much of a show but she sure did try.
Within hours, the two girls were swimming side by side. And they aren't separated for more than a couple seconds or a couple of inches. They look for each other. And Ingrid (she reminds me of a blonde Scandanavian or Swedish chick and since we are doing the whole girl on girl thing here...why not Ingrid?) has gotten bigger in the week or so I've had her.

THEY ARE HAPPY! THEY LIKE EACH OTHER!

Wow! Who knew fish had sexual preference? What's stranger than that though is not only is Natasha a lesbian, she actually killed and ate her male partner in disgust.

No Apologies: Give Me the Hard Stuff

GOD! I need an orgasm! I haven't had one in days. And hell, I wish I could stop with the self inflicted ones too. I need a "bend-me-over, knees-on-the-bed, ass-in-the-air, thighs-spread-wide, face-in-a-pillow, screams-shouting-the-Saviour's-name" orgasm.

...

I need a lay.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

.....

ME!

That's right! A big WAHOO! to the newest assistant manager of the local EvaR here in the Pcola area. Round of applause!!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Six months! Can you believe it?! Six months ago I filled an application out on the way home from another job interview and today was my first day as an assistant manager.

I am ecstatic. I am happy. I am very proud of myself. WOO HOO!