I was called to one of our side concession stands, also known as the satellites to take care of a customer service matter. Evidently, our soda was flat and the woman wanted a refund. She had refused a refill from another fountain or of an entirely different soda. I was handed the large cup. Imagine my surprise when all that was left of that bad boy was melted ice and a few sips of beverage.
Yes, she got her refund. Sometimes, it's just easier to be done with them.
It seems Mr. Wells from PlanetThoughtful has been busy over there in Oz. He has redesigned PlanetThoughtful (and it looks marvelous, by the way) as well as created a new site. The Urban Legends Blog is a reincarnation of his old site, ULRC. So, show some linky love and scoot on over to his spaces. Go now. The internet gods demand it.
I need an emotional enema. Seriously. Before the toxic sludge of my psyche compacts into an 'ohmigod, what the hell did I eat to be so freakin constipated but I'll poop this sucker out if it's the last thing I do and they find dead me dead on the toilet of an aneuryism trying to do so' crapper.
I need to release into words. Or draw. Or something of the creative sort. I am going to explode from the inactivity of my soul. I am static. My life, sadly, is static. I have Static Poop.
When I got off work tonight, I took a nap and I can recall only a couple bits of a dream. Carrie and I were travelling abroad. I know only that and feeling deliciously satisfied.
I need to add more to my "Before I die, I want to..." book. I have muzzled the dreaming/scheming part of me. Absolutely, fucking terrified to ask for what I want. I think that's why I'm so miserably unhappy.
Random thought time. I'm going to poop some of this out before I start cramping.
So often, I wish I belonged to a religious group. I can't identify with organized religion anymore. Humankind has pissed me off beyond wanting to ever join a religious affiliation again. I am angrier at God when I have to adhere to a religion. I am angrier at man even more so that we have restricted our Ultimate to words, rules, and slick Sunday morning captions. But I can't help wanting to find a definitive approach to worship. Why? I think I rely less on that communication as I did in the past, and as a result, I feel I've killed God entirely by not acknowledging the One in daily chat. I just can not subscribe to a God created by men and I fear that is what God has become. If you don't believe me, look at who is out there performing their acts in the NAME OF GOD.
I seriously think something is wrong with my sexual organs but I'm too scared to go to the doctor. I don't think I can handle hearing what he has to say. I know I'm being melodramatic but afraid of the outcome. I'm bleeding yet again, though not heavy. And I just stopped bleeding less than ten days ago. That's four times....FOUR....since the end of November/beginning of December. This week. I promise myself. Doctor's office this week.
Fat. I am so fucking fat. I hate my body. The thoughts that have popped into my head regarding my body are disturbing. And I will keep them to myself. Now that I've spent the last month or so unable to breath properly because of an infection, let's see if I can get my ugly ass to the gym finally and work off this enormous monstrosity of human flesh. FAT FUCK!
I want a full-time, regular female sex partner. But feel so uncomfortable about myself right now (actually, all the time) that I can't conceive of letting anyone see me naked....EVER AGAIN.
Would like to meet the half-siblings my natural father produced after me. I wonder what they are like.
Thinking about where Delana shot herself in order to strike that fatal blow. And why did she do it at work?
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me! I have an inkling that it's just the horrific way that I view the world in relation to me and how I consider myself the trash juice that sits and stinks up the can beneath the bag....but still, what's wrong with me?
Why can't I just accept what I have in life and be happy? I have more than I can imagine and yet I insist on trying to force more into what's not. More meaning behind words. More tragedy behind moments. More drama. More histrionics. And in the process of putting more weight behind what I shouldn't, I'm minimizing what is downright heavy with trueness.
I am so fucked up. I am truely incapable of a relationship of any kind. Friendships, Mother-child, romantic....the lot.
I just want to stop jumping ahead and enjoy the now before I screw up and push away. I want to be happy. And yet, I feel that I am nothing and have nothing to give. Where I stand, I feel, there are so many better people capable of giving what I give. And that is so sad.
I am unhappy with myself. I am unhappy with what I am not and what I am. I am angry at myself for wanting more than I have and wanting more of myself. I am greedy. And I feel like both the child throwing a tantrum to get what she wants and the parent reprimanding her.
God, I want to be better. I want to be beautiful. I want to be talented. I want to be constantly uplifting. I want to be dedicated. I want to be more.
The visit to the emergency room left me tired and unsatisfied and completely justified in my cynical view of the medical world. FIVE hours of waiting. Actually, no. Wait. I waited for four hours and fifteen minutes and received forty-five minutes of care. I had a chest x-ray to determine whether it was pneumonia. I had an EKG because I have a heart murmur that seems to be doing me no harm other than occupying the minds of any physician who lays his/her stethoscope against my chest. I had moments of consultation. And in the end, I left after having swallowed two tablets of Zithromax and still unable to breathe properly.
So, yesterday I tried to fill my prescription for the remaining dosages of Zithromax. If you know anything about the drug, you know it's a potent antiobiotic that you need to take little of. You would also know that it is expensive. Well....the damn ER doc prescribed this to me and I couldn't get it filled. BECAUSE it requires prior authorization in order to be paid by Medicaid.
I did NOT want to go to my physician to do the whole thing over. I had already missed two days because of the infection, so I opted to pay for the prescription out of pocket. Luckily, there is a generic form of the drug. Unluckily, it cost me thirty dollars...Wouldn't consider that a bad price, right? How about for only two tablets? A dose for Monday. A dose for Tuesday. Fifteen dollars a pop.
Can I tell you that I was disappointed that I didn't suddenly turn into a superstar when I swallowed the first pill?
And I still feel like crap. I wasn't given anything for the actual breathing problem in my chest. My lungs still feel closed in, and I weeze like a broken party horn. At least, I'm not running a fever any longer and the chills, aches, and pains have subsided.
I was looking for information on Delaina's death, which seems to have missed the news agents in Memphis as of yet, and I found LifeGem. I can see how this may make some people feel comforted, and it is a different alternative to having a huge stone urn sitting on your sidetables with your loved one's ashes. Then again, there are few things about this that just makes me feel a little unnerved....ok, more than a few.
Found out last night from my father that close friend of my brother killed herself. Delaina lived only a couple of houses right of my father's own. We've known her since my pop retired from the Marine Corps and we moved back to Millington. Shawn took her to her prom, strictly as friends.
Noone can believe this has happened. She never seemed the type to suffer from depression. She always got over things quickly. Never dwelled too heart-heavy on sad issues. Hurt over break-ups but always found another girlfriend soon after the last one left or she left her. Delaina was tough. Tough in spirit. Tough in heart. Tough. We've seen her get through things.
Evidently, she was depressed over the break-up with her girlfriend and shot herself. Shawn and others don't think she would do this to herself.
Don't know what else to say.
My January 21st is finally ending here at 2:53 am on January 22. Details tomorrow when I've actually awaken from what I can only hope will be a peaceful sleep after this freakish day. Highlights? A fire at work and a visit to the emergency room for me....no, the two are not connected.
I am know going to bed after having spent five hours in the ER. What a piss ass day!
Some of you probably already know about my goofy fascination with Spontaneous Human Combustion. Well, in talking with friend Tom recently, I thought it would be fun to make some usable products with my little cult that I created years and years ago (and if you believe I am really a cult leader, you are more than welcomed to give me all your assets, shave all the hair off your body to purify yourself, and eat cabbage soup at precisely 5:42 p.m. every day) based on my little weirdness. Hey, if you really want to buy some of this stuff, I'm not going to stop you. I'm getting a thing or two myself.
(listen to your goddess: you must buy! BUY! BUY! It will make you powerful and rich. It will make you the most eligible [insert gender here] in your neighborhood)
Remember the Scooby Doo episode where the gang was crossing a river in a boat and Shaggy or Scoobs cuts the fog with a knife in the shape of a doughnut? Had a chat with Carrie a couple of days ago about a recent foggy day she was having. Reminded me that I had this shot saved.
Just came from the movies. Hostel.....um, ok. Have you seen this yet? Torture for sport. No real plot. Just lots of blood, pain, and watching through clenched teeth and eyes. Did Eli Roth really try to write a message into this thing? Yeah, I get we're supposed to be sickened by man's inhumanity against man (did you know that's what was trying to be said?) but honestly, there have been films that have portrayed far better than Hostel. It was basically a gore flick. No fear. No surprises. Blood and guts and death. That's it. Even the sexy scenes left you deflated. Yes, cringing will occur watching it. Who really would sit there as a woman's blowtorch burned eye is being cut off and the cooked gelatinous fluid that once held her pretty Asian occular ball comes seeping out. Yep. Wanna waste some money (again..thanking all that is holy that I get to watch movies for free), then by all means go see it.
Went bookstore shopping yesterday and picked up Neil Gaiman's American Gods as well as Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha (I have mentioned that I loved that book, right?!). Wanted Memoirs for my own shelf. Will be starting Gaiman's sometime tonight. Was told it is goooood.
Ate some sushi today. YUM!!! My God, the Japanese know what they are doing with that culinary delight. Orgasmic! I swear I will marry a man simply for keeping me happy with sushi. Yes, I'm a whore.
Just catching up on my blog reading and found this at Jez's journal. I'm a little stunned that it can be accurate. And a little shock that I could be blatantly summarized so correctly. Eh.
|Naomi took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!|
"Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting n..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
So, I took it again. And these results are more disturbing. A little Orwellian for me. Feels like someone has been listening to my conversations and spying on me for the description to be so right on.
|Naomi took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!|
"Longs for sensitive and sympathetic understanding ..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
Well, I guess I'm just a cold, stubborn, sex fiend that is needy and always looking for validation in places other than myself; and when I don't get it, I withdraw.
If it's going to be that way about it, I'm going to my room and turning up the stereo. I don't have to listen to that crap..
Conducted interviews at work. Calling all my new hires when I work next, which is Tuesday evening. I love telling people they have been hired. There is that excitement and glee behind their words and in their breaths. I didn't think I would enjoy interviews because they can get a bit monotonous but I am enjoying it thoroughly. I am one of the trio of managers that trains hires and trains the new staff.
Moving on....I seriously think I need to see my gyno. Yes, more vagina talk today. How many damn periods is a woman suppose to have in less than sixty days? That is a rhetorical question.
Serious note: What the hell is wrong with NOLA's mayor? Is there a reason for spouting out segregated talk like that? Yes, I understand race became an issue with the hurricane relief but "New Orleans being chocolate at the end of the day." Now all the backtracking he's doing with follow-up statements. Admit your frustration, guy. People will understand and empathize with you. However, forget about all the people in your city that you are representing and leading that suffered also....doesn't sit well. Eh, just stunned at what he said.
Em starts Girl Scout cookie sales this week. This is her first year in Scouts and she seems to be having a good time with it all. And can I say that she is going to rock this sale....helps that her mom works with a company that employs many, many teenagers that like to eat.
Speaking of eating....Em decided to become a vegetarian for the new year. She has been very diligent since day one, New Year's Day. And in support I have bought vegetarian friendly products. Can I say that meatless hotdogs suck ass! Fucking hell!! YUCK! Ok. If you eat them and ACTUALLY enjoy them, good on ya! But bloody hell, ECK! Neither of us enjoyed them. And they became a waste of money. They will be biodegrading in my backyard. BLEH! The portabello hamburger patties weren't so bad. Em didn't enjoy them but I found them tolerably tasty. Tofu, we can do because we eat it periodically anyways. Hell, giving up meat isn't as difficult in our household as it may seem. Meat is expensive and we eat quite a bit of meatless dishes out of financial necessity. BUT those damn hotdogs were absolutely disgusting. PAH!
Know I'm droning on, right? Think I'm trying to get back into the habit of journalling regularly. I haven't written much in my hard journal in so long. Feel quite stagnant about it all.
Eh....guess I'm done blurting out nothing.