My God, How You've Grown!

The trip to the ol' Volunteer State was nice. The highlight of the trip was seeing my family including my brother, Shawn who actually spent quite a bit of time hanging out with the clan. Shawn is very much like the rest of us (ie....our mother). He likes to do what he wants when he wants. Nothing holding him back. He epitomizes the social butterfly. And amazingly, I was reminded of exactly how old my siblings and I have become. My brother is going to be thirty-one this year (Jenn will be 32 and I will be a ripe age of 35).

I also got the chance to visit my dad's grave. That was a hard moment. Before this trip I hadn't been back to Memphis since his funeral. I didn't go back for his interment for several reasons. Honestly, it's a strange feeling to see a marker on the space where my father's body lies beneath.

I am a rational person. I'm not an idiot nor do I lack the IQ points. But I actually begin to feel panicky when thinking of someone being buried beneath feet of sod. I worry that they're not dead and they're clawing at the coffin lid scared to shit that they've been buried alive. I know. Not really a probability that that happens. Makes no sense but it's there in my head.

I cried like a baby at the site. All those feelings of guilt for not being a better daughter. For not making things right before he died. I knew he was going to die last year. I felt it in my bones. I was going to try and make amends with him but he died before my scheduled trip to see him. Regret. And naively I thought seeing his stone would assuage me. All this guilt. Regret.  Nope. At least not this time. Guess it's still too fresh. Either that or I am truely way too Catholic for my own good.

sigh.....Love you, Pop.

Highlights were seeing the boys. Zavier, the older of the two, celebrated his sixth birthday (reason for the trip). Jenn (the sis) rented a moon jump. Damn, I keep forgetting how much fun those things are. I got some silly pictures of the kids in it. May post some on an unframed 5x7.

Ok. So, I am the cool aunt. By default because I'm the only aunt but really I am. A couple of years ago on a visit to TN I introduced the boys to the best toy a kid could have: the cape made from a blanket or towel. This year I bought them Spiderman and Venom costumes. On Saturday, they put those bad boys on and went out to the Moon Jump. The other kids wanted to play too so my sister dug out all the previous Halloween costumes. Moon Jump. Costumes. Kids coked up on sugar. Makes for a fun day. Everyone, no matter the age, should have a birthday party like that one.

Before everyone arrived and when it was just family, I caught some snaps of the cousins. Gang signs and all, the three of them are too damn cute.