Two Roads: Robert and me

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
-- I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference .

I was not a fan of Robert Frost growing up. I think I purposely chose the different so any mainstream poet or artist or person in society was automatically my enemy. I cheered the underdog or the antagonist in any situation or movie or whatever....my daughter is the same way right now. But as an adult, I see the value of what I once considered to 'normal' for me. The poem has been dissected and written about entirely too much to give any real poetic debate on my part but I use it as a prelude to what this post is truly saying.

An old boyfriend found me recently. Through this site as a matter of fact; and he has stirred up emotions within me that I never really resolved. If you know me, you know that resolution with me is generally repressing shit. I'm one for resolution but usually those involved aren't so I can't deal with things the way that I want to. We'll call the old boy Frost because it's a cool name and refers to the aforementioned poet.

Coming clean, I had never stopped loving Frost. I'm just not that type of person. When I love a person, whether it's a parent or a friend or a lover, I'm in for the proverbial long haul. So, having Frost enter my life, albeit not completely or wholly, is an overwhelming feeling. I want him in my life. I'm excited about the prospect of having who I considered one of my closest friends back in my life. But, until there's really more information, I just don't know what to do. I think of what was and what could have been and what still could be. Thus....two roads.

Perhaps I'm just an idiot. Hoping for more? Of course. Again, I would be a liar if I didn't admit that. But admittedly, I'm staying away from everyone. I've never been the woman that anyone chooses. Yes, perhaps for the moment but never past the end. So....here come the emotions. Lots of history between Frost and myself. Definitely thrilled to hear from him again. Can't wait to talk to him again. But, I guess we'll see.

By the way, Frost....when you read this. Don't let it stop you from talking to me. Just venting in a forum that I'm familiar with.