Amuse Bouche

Wasting a perfectly beautiful title for the tripe that follows but the words have been rolling off my mind's tongue for the last few days. Too many episodes of Top Chef. But i use it because I've so much to say and little time to say it.

I am depressed. Very depressed and I'm trying desparately to get over it. My lights were disconnected the other day and I spent what would have gone towards paying for part of the rent I'm behind. That day was a dark day, both literally and figuratively. I sat in my dark apartment with the rain streaming down outside and I cried. I called and texted several people to find everyone busy with life. After the fourth or so person, I stopped trying. It only made me feel worse. My sister did call me back. I wept silently as I listened to her talk about shopping for her boys and work schedules.

There's not much I can do but go on day by day. I've received your messages. Thank you for your concern. I'm working on feeling better. Probably not a healthy way of doing it by just ignoring the pain but what else can I do. If I talk to anyone right now, I'll probably feel worse. Just a few more days.

For now, I need to release. Dark places to come in the next few posts if I can post. Just excuse the whine and the depression and the inevitable desire to be non-existent.