The Military Way of Doing Things

I have to leave for work in four hours. I don't want to. I've had three days off in a row. I liked it. I enjoy not working. I wish I could...not work. I don't know if it's just that feeling of futility that seems to hit everyone. I've already set my limits of what I want to do with the company. I want to be a general manager and then that's it.

Where is there to go in the movie theater business after that? I'm not cut out for corporate life. Eck. Gives me hives just thinking about the responsibilities of that. Hell, I'm not cut out for the responsibilities that I have at my level right now. Days off only make me focus on what I'm not doing with my life.

Time to think is quite a dangerous thing for me. I fester in my own unhappiness, restlessness, and boredom. If I'm doing exciting things, it only makes me realize that I want to do that more. I don't want to go to work and deal with stupid things. I don't want that.

Job is not hard. Easy job. I'm not having as much fun as I did in Pensacola. Really think it's the people that add to the atmosphere. Maybe it's because I'm getting close to three years at this job. Thinking back, I've not really held a job for this long. Pretty sad, yes?

What would I want to do? I like doing whatever I want at whatever time I want to do it. I like being creative. I like not being responsible to anyone. Is there a career in laziness?

Shit. I don't know what I want to do with myself. I keep thinking writing but I'm not committing myself to anything that could constitute as consistent writing. Hell, I don't even think I'm good beyond my own thoughts and those of dear ones that love me....and yes, they're opinions matter to me a great deal. But everyone wants to be a writer. EVERY ONE and there are far more talented people than me.

Ugh. Maybe I'm just depressed and anxious and restless. I need to focus. I need to accomplish. I need to get past this.