I am NOT Aunt Flow.

Apparently, I have this little place on the internet called Light and Darkness. And apparently, I like to neglect it, having last visited over a month ago.

Really no reason. We've had some minor trauma in our lives over here. Namely, both my daughter and I are having life crisis. Em's stems from being a girl entering the devil's lare, commonly called adolescence. Mine appears to be the beginning of my mid-life "WHO THE FUCK AM I?!" or sometimes called "Waaaa. I'm getting old and I've done nothing thus far." Yeah, the two don't go well together. I think teenagers may be onto something having children when they are only twelve years old. When their daughters hit puberty, teenage moms will be still young and spirited and clueless about the world. They'll be able to handle the mood swings with gusto because they don't have freaking biological clocks and menopause sneakily hanging around the corner.

Well, I'm still here. I've actually been ignoring this place on purpose. Bit embarrassing to explain so I won't. I'm just feeling unaccomplished in my life in all areas right now. I'm getting very close to the latter half of my life and want so much more; and I've no mojo to get what I want. The most depressing bit about this all is that I think that's my personality. I want things yet don't make any effort to get any of it.

How do any of you motivate yourself to go after what you want or deserve or need?

Comments

[Ali]

Hmmm.. I'm nearly 40 and I still don't know what I want to do. I wish I had an answer. I just try to live one day at a time. *sigh*

[carrie]

Nae, are you still on myspace? Could you contact me there?

[Sami]

Hi!

Um, I have a really hard time with the motivation too. And I've got no good answers. One day I just get fed up with my own lame ass excuses for putting shit off and I just fucking do it already. But I'm weird and I can do the BIG stuff better than the small stuff. Like I decided I wanted to buy a house, so I made it happen. Then I decided we were going to Disney World and I made it happen. I realized that all my excuses for not doing the things I wanted to do were me. That I, and my stubborn negativity, was the only obstacle standing in my way. So I just told myself to Shut. Up. and I did stuff to make stuff happen. And what's cool about that is the more you force yourself to go outside of your comfort zone and do the things that you need to do to get what you want, you are more apt to do it. Because it feels good. And I'm addicted to the feeling I get after I take the bull by the horns and lead it to water ... or something like that. But I love that feeling of "I want this, I do this, this and this to get there and I make it happen." Making things happen feels awesome! So, figure out a goal, something challenging, but maybe small, and make it happen. Then tackle something a little bigger. Eventually you'll get to the big stuff and you'll love the feeling. Uh, "just do it", anyone?