Light and Darkness

Transference

Yeah....I'm having some issues lately. I can't tell which person in my life is causing the majority of transference issues. I don't think it's one person in particular. Work folk are pissing me off. My child is frustrating me. Some friends are wearing my emotions thin. So, I'm kind of psychologically a loon right now. Granted, I'm not some crazy ass bitch that you need to run and hide from. I'm just sort of......impatient and mean in a nice sort of way. No, I will not explain that because I really don't know how.

I'm irritable. My job is fucking boring me, which means I'm going to be unhappy and start looking elsewhere. Not a good idea considering there is nothing out there with everyone losing jobs left and right. I'm trying to combat the feelings of ennui with other activities. Just bought a membership to the Dallas Museum of Art. Hopefully go there alot. Thinking of applying for a docent position for my days off. That or just volunteering. I need to find a writing group or public forum. The library thing just never panned out the way I had wanted it. I've even thought about finding a second job, perhaps overnight so I can just wear myself out and be happy that my primary job is easy.

Sleep is crazy, as usual. Ever the insomniac. But these insane wakings? Three thirty in the morning?! Who the fuck gets up that early? Especially having slept on a few hours? I need to remedy that quickly before I start singing about robots in love leaping into each others arms or ugly snowmen. I talk and sing in my sleep, folks. It's hilarious that I'm a lucid dreamer that sleeps with ears still turned on. Yes, it's funny that you can have a fucking hilarious conversation with me when I'm at the brink of crossing over to completely incoherent thoughts and random mumblings. It's even more hilarious that my daughter has YouTubed me doing it. And no, I'm not giving you the link.

I'm lonely as hell too. I want to date but how do I do that? Advice on where a person like me can jump into that? I mean...all I want to do is meet a nice Jewish boy, settle down, and have a few more kids! Is that too much to ask?! Seriously, how does someone my age and with my circumstance date?

So much more in my head but per the code of Naomi, I'm keeping it to myself. I reveal a lot but nothing in comparison to what I don't trust anyone with. I'm going to explode one day from all that I keep to myself. Probably the main source of my irritability.

God, I need a good priest!

Someone is a Spy!

I took this ColorQuiz.com thing three years ago. Decided to take it again and I swear that one of my friends is tattling on me to these bastards at this website. When I find out who, I'm taking off your thumb with my Leatherman and wearing it around my throat on a piece of velvet like a pretty Goth necklace!

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! ""Wishes to live in a calm, peaceful, relaxing envi..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

The Ides of Suckdom

Last week was one of the most miserable ones I've had in quite a long time. Not miserable in just a minor annoyance but miserable in that I spent most of the week in tears and worry for those that I care about. It ended with my brother having a seizure on Friday and spending the night in the hospital for observance and tests. He was released Saturday with tests showing only that he was dehydrated. Doctors found nothing else wrong with him stating that it was probably a fluke of thing.

Yeah. That is not a thing that we want to hear about. Not a family that saw its patriarch have a brain aneurysm  and then ten years later be diagnosed with Parkinson's and then a short couple of years later die from complications of said illness. And also knowing that Shawn is a cancer survivor who doesn't take care of himself and has an increase chance of developing other forms of cancer like a fucking tumor in his head. Yeah....fluke is both a sigh of relief and most worrisome word.

What made Friday really bad was that Shawn was without any of us. Mom is, of course, in Florida. I'm here in Texas. And Jenn, who lives in the same town as Shawn was visiting our mother at the time. We were unable to help him and the fear of losing him scared the fuck out of all of us. Mom is probably the most reserved with her tearful emotions was on the breaking point when I called her to check on her. I can hear the fear and sadness in her calm voice; and I wanted nothing more than to comfort her.

I hate feeling helpless for those that I love. I hate not being able to comfort or hug or console. I hate that people I care about go through crap and I can't do anything to ease the pain of it.

sigh....

Fucking Ides of March....remember three years ago?

In the Sky of Diamonds

Me, of course

Jolie

Zelda

Razorlight is my new source of funny!

This video is just so damn cute because the band is sincerely trying to be amazing. The song is repetitive and boring and simplistic in a bad way. Nothing about this song excites me. Lyrically, uninteresting. Vocally, annoying. Melody is monotonous and any harmony is almost non-existent. Instrumentally, I think I wrote better shit thirty minutes before an assignment was due in my music theory class....and I'm not a musician. Give me a couple minutes and I'll really tell you how I feel about this song.

The video attempts to be artistic and innovative, again in a simplistic way. It's laughably sweet. I watch it repeatedly because I like the 'surprise' of the band members appearing so dramatically by matchlight. Their faces all aglow. "Take me seriously as an artist," each one says with their silent looks of intent. And then the lead's Jim Morrison stance and walk away from the camera. Sexy time! I just want to pull him on top of me right now and have him dry hump me to Nirvana!

Seriously, I love this video.

******

post script: Ok. I was a little harsh with that. Do watch some of the other stuff by the group. In the Morning isn't bad. Actually far better than Wire to Wire. And Before I Fall to Pieces is entertaining especially after having just seen The Watchmen last night (eh, don't get me started!). So....every band has a bad song and far worse accompanying video. Right? Still, I laugh.

On a Rainy Wednesday

Cowboy Up

At work on Saturday, I had the pleasure of serving the most delicious cowboy I have seen in my life. He probably isn't a real cowboy but if a man is wearing a cowboy hat and speaks with a drawl...he's going to be a cowboy in the telling of this story.

I mean very little disrespect by this next statement but it's going to piss some of those off...I have no fondness for the southern accent. None whatsoever. But my cowboy had the sweetest sounding voice that dripped sexiness from the words escaping his mouth. A deep rumble mixed with manners and a kick of flirtiness. His voice was slow as a woman can imagine his lovemaking. Probably the most intoxicating southern drawl I have ever heard in my life.

He smiled the entire time he was at my counter. Picking cookies for what I assume where his wife and son. A mischievious smile that hinted of playful sex and delectable nibbles. And the hair upon his chin brought that right mix of cowboy and rocker to his look.

His clothes were simple. I remember jeans. Some sort of jacket. Button up shirt over tee, perhaps. Capping his head was a cowboy hat. Perfect simplicity.

And his face had movie star quality. A little Russell Crowe but not quite. Rugged like Gladiator but round like A Good Year.  His eyes were more than inviting...they dared me to pick him up in front of his wife.

I wanted to say something to him. I was actually weak in my knees from how fucking good-looking this guy was. And his mannerisms suggested that he was a really nice guy that made him much more appealing. I think I may have stuttered just slightly. A tremble in the voice to indicate that I was admiring him. My voice lilted a bit....raised pitch in that coquettish way of girl flirting. I wanted to tell him how he was marvelous. But I hesitated.

Man, I can't forget how he smiled the entire time.

I fumbled with his credit card receipt as I tried handing it to him with my pen. Thanked him. I smiled a lot too. And he walked away.

But the silly man had to turn back to the counter. He had forgotten his cookies sitting there. With his dulcimer voice, he laughs at himself and his concern for the receipt rather than his cookies.

Oh...I should have said something. But I didn't

I had to take a moment to regain my composure after he left. What a sexy man! Damn him for being married. I couldn't flirt. And then....he was back at my counter. Getting napkins. Still smiling. Cowboy smile.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to be too forward. But you are such a good looking man! I had to tell you."

That smile. And was that a wink? He said something low and rumbly. I have no idea what. Perhaps something about how sweet and thank you? Maybe. I just remember the smile and the look. Goodness, is he the reason women love cowboys?!

I can only hope he wants cookies again.