I swear the Universe/God is conspiring against me. You know that squeal that escapes you when you meet someone? That fabulous yet lonely feeling you get when you cross paths with someone and you think, "goddamnit! Different circumstances and this may have been a lovely thing. If I weren't too old...too young...too fat...too...... CRAZY."
My life is the prank of some prickish, Ashton Kutcher god that I really want to kick in the balls.
Universe.....stop being a douche. Love me. Choose me to be your favorite for a while. I think I'm due.