Can't vomit the words. Posting in emotions and motives today. All the words would have basically summarize/hidden/expressed the following:
whine. whine whine. LOOOONG whine. Anger at you. Anger at randomness. Anger at self. ANGER. ANGER. ANGER.
regret. shame. guilt. more guilt. ANGER at mother. ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER. shame. remorse.
isolated need to run away. pleading need to have you keep me near. PUSH. SHOVE. PUSH. PUSH. PUSH. PUSH. ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER.
tearful apology. altruistic attempt to sever relationship. secret wish to start fight to see how much you love me. crazy realization that I'm Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.
ANGER ANGER ANGER. compulsion to be as repulsive as possible to drive you away because I've no courage to just end it.
sad realization I'm an emotional vampire and social leper. attempt to elicit crystal clear revelation in you that I AM CRAZY and you should run. (small tears on the cheek)
Long litany of "Naomi is bad" trying to use logic and proofs that you should run for the hills.
quiet fear that you say yes finally after an exhausting time of Nos.
hate. mumbling Naomi-bashing.
tearful love for you. quiet begging to self to just stop fighting and live. another attempt to show that I'm just crazy and easier to just end this insanity.