I've been staring at this blank page for days now, with no inspiration for a post. I had started a poem, a piece of erotica, a social commentary, and other bits of shit. My affect has swayed from lust to shame to anger. I've crawled into my head for safety as well as demanded the attentions of others. I've wanted to run away to cities hundreds of miles away and feared the possible journey.
To be honest, I've been preoccupied. When my mind wraps itself around something, my soul becomes a little chaotic. It both drives me and cripples me. Let's delve into some philosophy and psychology here. Naomi's dualism.
It's no coincidence that Light and Darkness is Light and Darkness. Obvious without the need of explanation and metaphor and blah blah blah. And since the inception of my little space here on the internet, I've reexamined and redefined some aspects of my life.
The hatred for Mrs. Devine is gone. I don't think I'll have that much malice for her ever again, no matter the circumstance. "God's" identity is no longer religiously based, as I've severed that tie to man's foibles forever. I don't believe...but still am working on this one...I'm mentally ill. I'm just emotionally fucked up.
Those three things alone were enough to empower the title, Light and Darkness. Enough fodder for posts. But for the most part, those are resolved. I had thought about changing the title of this place because it didn't seem fitting any more. Tis not true though.
At the core of each of us is our dualism. I don't think it has anything to do with evil and good, as seen in a religious, predominantly Christian, view. Religion has merit and my interest. God vs Devil, though? Is a baby born good and learns evil? No. God and evil, or at least the idea that they are intrinsically inherent, were created by man. Good and bad aren't natural instincts and nothing will convince me of that.
Perhaps dualism is simply nature and nurture trying to coexist within an individual. Our biology and animal instinct governing equally with our learned social norms. Trying to reconcile what we instinctively want with what is socially acceptable and expected of us. That's enough stress to create characters like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Case in point is sexuality and love. Why are people polyamorous? Are we kidding ourselves when we think we can't fall in love or lust with more than one person at a time or within a lifetime? Do we really snub polygamy because we can't identify with its root?
In most of western society, it's illegal. However in tribes in Africa, the social norm is that polygamy works. The wives coexist in a community where raising children and trying to survive on the land depends on this concept of companionship and reciprocity. Here? Forget about it.