I took a friend to the emergency room last night to have her admitted for psychiatric care. Like me she suffers from those little mental health demons. She has for the majority of her life. I am thrilled that she texted me when she needed the help. More so...I'm glad I was here in Pensacola to be only five minutes away from her.
Despite explaining this was for the best, I am still hesitant to say that it was the right decision to take her. I watched her walk down the corridor with the ER nurse and felt such sadness for her. Such a want to be able to hold her hand and wait with her while an intake was conducted. I felt I had betrayed her for leaving her alone.
I had explained that the staff may not let me go back with her. I would stay for as long as I was allowed. But I still feel so sad that she had to face it alone. When they told us that I couldn't wait with her, her face showed that she was reconsidering this plan. She vocalized that she wasn't going to do it. I bent low to her and said this was a good thing. It's ok to be scared. To throw up. To be angry with them. But let them help her.
Yet....when she walked away, I wanted to just grab her and say to the nurse, "Nevermind."
I may have to wait seventy-two hours before I can talk to her or see her.
I'm praying she's ok. I'm praying this will help her. I wish she didn't have to suffer through this illness that causes such emotional destruction.
I know I did the right thing but I still feel horrible...like I've abandoned her to face this alone.