It has been a year since Rosemary disappeared. No new developments. No changes. Just a year of no Rosemary.
I wish I were more optimistic about what had happened. I wish that I could believe that she escaped a life of unhappiness and abuse and found a new one that gave her hope and an optomistic future. I want to believe it.
I've never worked that way. Realism. Pessimism. The now and never the future. Those work in my head. I hate them. They give rise to such horrible sadness and gloom...and lately, apathy.
For her mother and father. For Bonnie and her nephews. For all of her family. Even for me. I wish there was a resolution to this. I wish that it's all been a bad dream and Rosemary is home with a big smile on her face, just enjoying the day.
I miss you, dear one. I wish I could hug you and know you. I am angry at the world and God for taking you away from everyone that loves you. For taking you away from me. I can only hope that there is a real, altruistic God and that you are very much safe and happy no matter where you are.
I had acquired a part time job last month. Nothing big. Working at a convenience store. I hated that I was doing it. Felt like I had dwindled down to nothing in the employment arena. But it was a job with some money.
Never really liked it. Told my manager that. The training was idiotic and incomplete. Didn't really feel like I fit in. Everyone complained about everyone else. But it was a job...gave me some money.
The assistant manager is a Filipina. Typical Filipina personality. Told me that I was pronouncing my name wrong all these years. Would tell me that I'm Filipina and should now better on a number of different things like cleaning. sigh....but at least I had money and didn't feel like a complete moocher off my mother.
Then today. The Filipina pissed me off. For adequate enough reasons for me to quit.
My car is in the shop with at least $1600 worth of repairs. I've three hundred dollars to my name now since giving my mom $500 for the car. I've wasted too much time being unhappy. My life has little meaning. I'm not wasting emotion or time to work at a job that I hate.