Light and Darkness

A duh! moment

National Geographic has posted an article about a Princeton University psychologist that discovered that men view scantily clad women as sexual objects rather than using their higher thinking skills when looking at them.

Really? The university, its financial supporters, and grant monies invested in this research? Really?

Huh.

We're any of them truly surprised with any of the findings? Are any of us sitting there, scratching our heads and saying to ourselves, "I did not know this. Wow. My eyes have been opened."

Princeton, I propose a project that would compare the effects of multiple variables on subjects, of varying mental capacities, ages, physical abilities, gender, social demographics, in a sterile environment,  against a control group. I hypothesize that the process of turning on a light switch will affect each research volunteer and would like the funding to find this out.

I didn't mean to.

If you get through this without laughing, you are so much better than I.

Room XX's $25 Million Renovation

The Human Rights and Alliance of Civilizations Chamber, formerly known as Room XX of the U.N. building in Geneva, was revealed. I've included a link to the pictures. 

I'm not a big Jackson Pollock or abstract expressionism fan and Miquel Barcelo's dome is probably worse than any work of those that I've seen. Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel has already been referenced with Barcelo's stalactite explosion of color. And whether or not his hundreds of different pigments from all over the globe symbolizes the idealistic unity of the world's countries, I really hate the dome.

Twenty-five million dollars. $25,000,000.

I am a supporter of expression. Art is subjective. Hell, I've had my fun and channeled Pollock and his method. I still wouldn't sell it as art. Or Perhaps I should. I could always use twenty-five million.

Shame on the U.N. for participating in this. Shame on the funding for this shit.

The Insider Pages

For my birthday this year, Emmaline and I are thinking about going to an Ethiopian restaurant. Sooooo, I did an internet search and received a few names and locations. Via The Insider Pages, I got my favorite person of the day....Stephen H.

Stephen has eight pages of recommendations for places around Dallas and its surrounding cities. Some just stand out, so much so that I peed my pants laughing too much from reading either the review or the title of the review. Below are our favorites. Now, I know that Emma and I may be the only people in the universe who find reading the dictionary funny or laugh hysterically from grammatical errors. If we are, then so be it! It makes our days.

Ghion Ethiopian Restaurant 10/25/05: 'Very good food, that is if you are Ethiopian?' Well, I had never tried that type of food before in my life. I gotta tell you that it is very different from anything that you have ever tried in you life. You gotta try it at least once in your life, but I must tell you that it is different?

Note Stephen's use of interrogative sentences in the tagline as well as in closing the review. If you read many of his reviews, he likes the question mark. Go back and read the paragraph again as it is written.

Computer Rescue 10/25/05: 'Excellent techs all the way! Great w/ their hands and minds!' This is the place that you want to go when you exhausted all your brain cells trying to fix you electronic device. They will fix it for sure. They are fairly priced and very cordially honest.

Great with their hands and minds? Vulcan handjobs for the computer illiterate?

Arapaho Animal Clinic Hospitals 10/25/05: 'They will suffice if you don't really care about your animal.' I have been going to this animal hospital for many years, until one of their best veteranarians left. I have since been going to another location where she started her own business at. This clinic has fair prices and all, but the doctors are not that very gentle w/ the animals. At least not to my standards.

I hate you, damn dog! I'll pay for your vet bills but don't expect quality care!

Campbell Road Mobile 10/23/05: 'A+ all the way if you are bright!' This is the best place to bring your car. You will not be disappointed. You can trust these people and get the best price overall for your repairs. I love them.

For those of us that are stupid, Campbell Road Mobile just might not be for us.

Mc Donald's 10/23/05: 'Excellent when you are drunk !' I gotta tell you that this place is great when you are trashed! Very clean business and always consistent quality. I have eaten there many times and it is good! You will not be disappointed!

Oh wait! Stephen hasn't finished reviewing restaurants for 10.23.05. Evidently, he was really trashed and really hungry on that date:

Jack In The Box 10/23/05: 'A+ all the way if you are wasted!' This restaraunt is great if you are hungrrrrrrrrrrry and wasted! This is a place to go and is always open! This is a great place to go! You will not regret it if you are hungry and it is late!

And our Hooters for Rex award per Stephen's five-star review:

Hank's Animal Hospital 10/22/05: 'Best Animal Hospital in North Dallas and the vet is a babe!' I have followed Yvonne Hanks to her new Animal Hospital in Plano, TX. She to be a veteranarian in Richardson,TX at another Animal Hospital. She is always very sweet and excellent w/ animals. She had taken care of my old cat for years and truly loves animals. She has the magic touch and very fair prices. Hanks Animal Hospital is a very clean and professional business.

PROS: She is a babe!
CONS:

Well....DUH!

Folks, big news story. Clay Aiken is gay.

The Use of "I"

I am not the greatest grammarian. I make mistakes frequently. I also like to make-up words and use things as adjectives that really aren't adjectives. It's fun. Makes for good television when you read my stuff. I don't proofread my posts nor do I spell-check them, so you get my thoughts in all their grammar-mistakes (see, what I'm saying about the adjectives thing?) glory. HOWEVER, I am tired of seeing the incorrect use of I when identifying pictures.

When you are labeling your pictures on MySpace or Flickr or anyfreakingwhere, please make note of the following.

It is "my sister and me" or "my best friend and me" or "Jessica and me" or "Billy Bob and me, standing in front of the Vegas chapel" for fuck's sake!

This is the rule I used to help Emmaline use me and I correctly. When you are identifying yourself as the subject of a sentence, use I. For example, Billy Bob and I were standing in front of the Vegas Chapel before our ceremony. If you remove Billy Bob from the subject (change the verb, of course), it would still make sense. I was standing in front of the Vegas Chapel before our ceremony. Try it the other way and it's illiterate speak for "Me stupid!" Billy Bob and me were standing in front of the Vegas Chapel. Me was standing in front of the Vegas.....

Now, let's apply the same rule to identifying pictures.
Billy Bob and me, Vegas Chapel.....Me, Vegas Chapel. Works, right?
Billy Bob and I, Vegas Chapel......I, Vegas Chapel. Who fucking talks like that?

If you can't do it right, just label yourself with your name. Takes all the guess work out of it. Holy Hell!

This is I in front of school. Yes, me can do it. Me can read.

How Python has crept into our lives.

I'm stealing from my friend, The Reverend again because this is the absolutely funniest thing.

The straight man delivery of every single line makes you shake your head and just pee with laughter.

Good God...I can watch this so many times.

My favorite lines have to do with cardboard and paper derivatives and cellotape.

Jeff Probst, Mrs. Parks is Pissed!

What the fuck?! Have you heard about the new Survivor?

I don't watch the show as it is. I watched the first episode of the first season. That's all. I make fun of the show. But, my friends....this is the second worst idea for a reality show (the first would be allowing this idiot decide what happens to a racial diverse group of people living together isolated from the real world).

I hope Probst has something more in mind than just having black on white on Asian on Latino crime. And did you read some of the things Probst said about the show? This one kills me. "Probst says contestants had mixed reactions to the racial divisions." No shit! Really? Could it be that the people who find this disturbing were against it and those willing to pay the $35 membership fee to join the KKK were all for it? Maybe? Could be?

Wow! Mark Burnett must really be hard up for the money (yeah, that was a joke) that he's willing to stress relationships between an already divided world. Stupid fucker!

If you watch this show, don't talk to me. Seriously, I'm not kidding.

The "Thumbs Up" but Where?

My friend Tom has been having issues on his street for weeks now. Crews have been destroying the roads to install drainage pipes, and Tom's poor yard has been used as a thoroughfare by every driver in the neighborhood because the trucks and work have been dominating the actual street.

Welllllll, as Tom recently told me, "The Saga Continues." Unfortunately this is one of those stories that went from a mild disruption of daily life to actual death.

Evidently there was the smell of gas indicating a gas leak....A smell of gas would mean that, right?! Construction was halted. Gas company called. The gas utility gave the 'Thumbs Up,' which is what, folks?! Oh, I don't know. It is the universal translation for 'go ahead. You're crew can continue,' right? Yep.  And they did. They did continue. And then there was an explosion and a worker was consumed in a ball of fire. The gas company? No comment.

Hmmmm! Again, I ask....Thumbs Up where?

Tragic accidents happen but Wow! Gas leak. Explosion. You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes or his less intelligent side-kick Watson to put those two clues together. Could be a freakishly odd thing that one does not lead to the other.

Annnnnnnnnnd. I can't find it on the local paper's site. I've looked. Maybe I'm dumb. But it's odd that I can find a story about three people being injured in a local car collision or a bit on taser guns as well as another auto collision...but I haven't been able to find anything on an explosion except the transcript on the local television news' station . Wouldn't you think that would make the news?

Thank You for Caring About Us!

I'm sure all of you have read of the proposed to give the American taxpayers, each a $100 gas rebate to offset the pain we suffer at the pumps each and every day. If you read the entire Congressional proposal, you will see the true subject of it. Attaching the little rebate perk at the end of a paper that opens the doors for decimating the Alaskan wildlife and Gulf Coast waters, only insures a big fat "NO" on a Benjamin gracing any of our mailboxes. Now....if they had attached that little baby to a proposal that had the following heavy as its other noteworthy voting moment, we would each be a hundred dollars richer: "My fellow gorgeous and intelligent representatives of the people of these here United States of America, I propose we continue to call Sunday by its name, Sunday."

Something like that and that rebate is good as ours. But saying 'let's pass this so we can kill the baby seals and pretty dolphins whilst we explore nature for Black Gold?' Uh-uh. Not going to happen.

Yes, there's more to the measure than those two issues but still? What person (especially a person whose job depends on being re-elected) is going to vote yes to a hot topic like that and risk the outrage and retaliation of conservationists, naturalists, and other Green voters?

And in regards to the gas rebate relief, can I mention that yesterday I filled my little Nissan Sentra GXE. My ten year old manual transmission sedan. My very reliant Pig that gets awesome gas mileage. It cost $30. Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars. And free is even better, but what the hell kind of relief is that? May I also mention that if I am encourage to buy a hybrid, by all means could you make it affordable?!

sigh...I leave you with this. My hunger for intelligent wit has been satiated. THANK YOU, CARRIE! Below is my hero of the day. Please note the bolded text for emphasis...and do really think what this means.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Ill., center, gets out of a Hydrogen Alternative Fueled automobile, left, as he prepares to board his SUV, which uses gasoline, after holding a new conference at a local gas station in Washington, Thursday, April 27, 2006 to discuss the recent rise in gas prices. Hastert and other members of Congress drove off in the Hydrogen-Fueled cars only to switch to their official cars to drive back the few block back to the U.S. Capitol. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)