Light and Darkness

Another Opportunity Lost

I am a child of the eighties and like almost every teenage girl of that era, I am a Duranie. For years and years I've been wanting to go to a concert. Then they did that long term separation. Then they reunited when all 80s bands were reuniting. And I didn't care for their sound as much as I did when I was a young impressionable girl. Now, they're back in full force sounding great. And I still have not seen them in concert. Perhaps it's just trying recapture my youth or fulfill lost hopes and dreams but....

Guess who is coming to Texas in a couple of weeks? And guess who wants to go? But Christmas is around the corner and I'm already poor. Em and her holiday cheer is far more important than seeing the Fab Five.

Stupid poverty!

As the Crescendo Falls

Have you ever had one of those orgasms that after you have climaxed your very sensitive sexual organs start having these mini aftershocks that feel like its keeping time with a conductor that likes to surprise his audience, which has acclimated to what it thinks is a predictable progression of the music; but with the downbeat of his baton cutting through the air so forcefully, the instruments strike that beat with such emphasis that it shakes you to the core?

That Special Spot

Why do cat bellies smell soooo good?!

Best Buy is My New Best Friend

I had joined Best Buys Rewards thing when I bought my computer; and I just cashed in forty dollars worth of gift certificates to buy Python......Less than forty dollars for the kit and kaboodle.

So excited. So happy. So vegging out.

The Divine Ms. Em

This is MY kid. Isn't she beautiful?

My Fat Cat

I watched my cat, Veruca take her last breath about twenty minutes ago. It was as painful for me to watch as it was for her to take. She had grown very weary and thin over the last couple of weeks. At one time she showed signs of improving from whatever ailment that was attacking her. No, I don't know what was wrong with her.

When we first got Veruca, I didn't care for her much. She was not as friendly as a kitten should be. She was downright mean to me; but she loved Emmaline. She would sleep in her pockets and against her shoulder. Over the last four years, Veruca and I grew to love each other. She went from being Em's cat to being my cat.

Veruca was always aloof. She always stood on the fray watching the rest of the household. She rarely enjoyed people holding her, but she always sat close enough that you could tell that she really wanted the attention. Right before her estrus, she went into shadow mode. She barely left my side. Her usual manner was one of growling, warning people to stay away to incessantly meowing for petting and hugs and squeezing. She literally would seek me out and crawl into my lap.

In a few words, Veruca reminded me of myself. Starving for attention but really unsure of how to ask for it.

I feel awful that I didn't take her to the vet. Whatever ailed her, I knew a visit to the vet would result in putting her to sleep because I can't afford any treatments that only extended the inevitable. Most of you would probably consider me a very poor pet owner. I think of myself that way. If you can't take care of your pet, don't have one.

For my Veruca....my fat cat, I love you. I miss you, my grumpy loner. You were definitely my cat. And I thank you for being a loving curmudgeon.

Middle Aged Childhood

Robot Chicken. Loving this show. Thanks to Tom and a friend of his, we have the first season on disk.

Have you seen this baby? Twisted play with action figures, Barbie dolls, reality shows, famous people, movies and television shows. It's the kind of playing I did with my toys when I was a child. (X-Wing fighters have a special place in my heart).

Shows like this make me miss cable.

Today's Top Story

Taste Testing again here and I still say Boca Java is definitely a love affair. First off, how much am I loving it's coffee? Mrs. Devine is receiving a Mother's Day basket from them. If you haven't checked out the goods yet, you seriously need to head over (and don't forget to use me as a referral....PLEASE!)

Ok. This bit is about Boca Java's New Media Mavericks.

'Unfiltered Truth' Lead the information reformation with this medium roast from the prized Tarrazu region of Costa Rica with excellent body and robust richness.

Right off, you can smell this bean has a stronger taste. Odd, but the word that came to mind is 'hearty.' Hearty like beef stew. And what do I mean by that? You know those days when you are starving? You feel like there's an abyss in your stomach that will go on forever and nothing will fill it. You eat a bowl of hot beef stew with all its juices and vegetables, and gargantuan pieces of beef. When it's all gone, you're deliciously full. Your stomach smiles along with your lips because it's truely satiated. You know that feeling?

Well, that's this coffee. It's flavor is full and rich and says "I AM coffee." It's taste swirls first around your nose as you lift the cup to your mouth, leaves a bold print on your tongue and finally settles comfortably in your stomach.

It's a "Wake up" coffee for all you caffeine addicts.

Want More Passion in Your Life?

First, let me start off with YUM! Seriously. Mmmmmm-Mmmmm, YUM!

I recently joined Boca Java and my first delivery (of free coffee, by the way) was fabulous. When Boca sent me an email asking for reviewers of their six Bloggers Blends, I had no problem saying yes.

I'm still on my first bag of coffee, Bloggers Pajama Passion which I am also having my co-workers sample along with me. According to Boca:

'Life's Short. Blog Hard' Blog the night away with this exotic flavored coffee featuring vanilla, kahlua and caramel.

With every bag of coffee that I've received from this little gem of a company, I've been knocked on my butt by the most amazingly fragrant beans...before even opening it. And when I started to brew a pot? MY GOD!!!! As most of you  know, I work in a large building that hosts eighteen movie auditoriums. The smell wafed down the stairs into our concession stands where the staffers were preparing for opening hours. They could smell it over the aroma of popcorn and hotdogs. And it called a few of them upstairs to ask about the fantastic smell.

Pajama Passion's taste doesn't disappoint me either. I'm a cream and sugar gal but the Boca Java's  flavor is amazing even without any additives. I've literally guzzled down a cup of hot coffee because it is so delicious.

M.R., one of my co-workers said this coffee is like a kiss. She drinks it over ice and seems to prefer it over her daily store-bought Starbucks Iced Frappucinos; and A.C. isn't really a coffee drinker but has enjoyed each cup of it he has drunk.

Seriously...without prodding or promise from Boca, I really like this blend. I look forward to making a pot and tasting it on my tongue.

It's gooooooood. Real goooooood.

Can't wait to rip open New Media Mavericks.

Watching and Enjoying

I can't wait until season two's dvd set comes out.

Steven William S born: Oct 11 1951 died: Feb 13 2006

My dad died today. He didn't wake from his sleep. Part of my heart is broken. I have so much to say but right now it's all tears.

I love you, Papa. I know we hated each other at times. I know we said things. I know we tested the limits of relationships. But still....I love you. And I miss you. And I am so sorry you suffered. And I am so glad you don't any longer. And selfishly, I wish I could have seen you before you had gone. I wish I had next month. Just one more month. But time was yours. And I understand. But I can't help but miss things and cry about others. You will never be at MY wedding. Emma won't see you any longer. Girl Scout cookies will be undeliverable and your last voice mail message on my cell will remind me of our last conversation. I will miss you. Thank you for loving my mother and me. For giving me a life here in the States. Thank you for my sister and brother. Thank you for the extended family. Thank you for the travel. Thank you for the lessons, though hard. Thank you for the second chance to know you. I wish we had longer. I wish I could have fought your battle for you. Exorcised your illness. You deserved better....and now I believe you have it. And if you are around, my dear Pops....check on me. Though we didn't see eye to eye, I love you dearly and I liked having you around....and I'm going to miss you so very much.

The Nephews

Was cleaning out some of my computer folders. These were from a recent visit (December) of my sis and her family. Aren't my nephews so damn cute?!

Zavier

 

Linkin

The Anti Anti-Valentine's Day

I am going to combat the Valentine curmudgeon I am. Whether you stumble upon this page by accident or are a regular reader, help me fill my Love Affairs entry for Valentine's Day. Doesn't have to be a person. Can be a favorite cussword that fills you with glee every time you use it. Can be a favorite TV show that you schedule your entire week around. Can be your child. Give me some love

What is your love affair? Who is your love affair? Share your love affair here on Light and Darkness.

Good Eats

Eggplant Parmesan by Michael Angelo's

I could eat these things every friggin day. LOVE THEM!!! Yum!

ViviGoodness

I was talking to a friend and noticed a huge (and I mean GI-normous) grasshopper sunning on my plants outside. Wished I had a digital camera...even a cheap ass one to share the moment with everyone. So, I went out and bought one.  It's not all expensive and full of all the bells and whistles but Em and I are having fun already. So, I'm including a few shots of what we've not deleted since the purchase last night. Enjoy! And expect more. I'm a shutterbug and one for instant gratification. DIGITAL CAMERAS WERE MADE FOR ME!!!!!

Today...

I love you.

I AM

Stolen but for good cause. Thanks Alicia for the diving board to her site.

If we could all have that determination and kindness within us to love ourselves for the beauty that is uniquely ourselves.

Only one

The Fnurgler

A Dare?

If ever I saw one. I couldn't resist posting this one when I saw it on Jez's journal. Swear that girl has been reading my private journals...or thoughts. Naughty thing, you!

If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked, tie them to a bed post, lick them until they scream, then fuck them until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, then post this exact sentence in YOUR journal.

Phonecalls

Sami...you're just cool to talk with.

A Very Good Day

beautiful, curly reddish hair that behaves magnificently even with a gust blowing

perfectly executed parallel park directly in front of the courthouse

exercising my right to vote with a politically curious nine year old in tow

Memories...in the corner of my mind

Oh god, remember?!

Naomi's list gets longer.

Actually I replace names. I take some off that completely annoy the hell out of me and replace it with others. And there are some on the list that have been there for a while but I just haven't gotten around to publicly drooling on them yet.

I was reminded of one such beautiful men. Colin Firth. My freakin' god! Ok, I admit. I have a thing for men from abroad. Carrie will attest to my complete idiocy in college for men of the Greco-Italian, Meditarranean persuasion. But I've always swooned over a nice Brit sounding gent.

ANYWAYS....Colin Firth. Watched Bridget Jones' Diary last night (again this morning just so I can look at him) and was reminded why I just think he is fabulous.

Good God! Can I have something like him?

...I'd settle for any of the other guys on my list.

IT'S DON WOOD!

Ok. I am absolutely pissing in my pants. My heart is all aflutter. I was checking my stats to see who has been here, and I find someone did a search for Don Wood (Colonial House guy that I'm drooling over as of late) using the local newpaper's online service. So I head to the paper's site and find out that Don Wood now has a site up and running.
Um? Yum!

I know. I'm a big ol' nerd. Annnnd? Are you really telling me something new?! By the way....I'm now a blurb in the Pensacola news because of my schoolgirl crush. Lord! Again, I'm a goof.

Cousins

Why my kid is the greatest kid.

In the early years of elementary school, children are taught to write essays and such based on the main idea, three details, and conclusion set-up. They are given a prompts to get them started.

Now Emmaline is a FANTASTIC writer. I've been told since my young school days that I'm a great writer; but if I had the talent of my daughter early on...man, I'd be a best sellers' author by now. Em just amazes me...infinitely. Once she tailors her craft, she will be astounding the world with her words.

I think it's in her details and her vocabulary. They seem so wise and older. And there is so much personality in her stories. They don't just stop at the required. She's humorous. She's introspective and observant. Her tales hold so much of her in them.

Ok....I want to share something from last September that was written about me. I'm being completely self-indulgent in posting this but hey, this is my blog. We received all the paperwork from the year yesterday since school is ending in two weeks. I was looking through the lot and found this and it brought the weepy, sentimental bit out. Take into account that this was written a month after school started last year. Her writing skills have developed, and are still developing, since then.

My mom is a special person in my life.

My mom is special to me because she plays family game night. We play all sorts of games. Sometimes we play playstation.

My mom is special to me because she is the best cook in the world. She cooks everything. She could cook a bug, and it would taste good.

My mom is special to me because she took me to Memphis, Tennessee to see my cousins. We went to dinner to celebrate a birthday.

Now, I told you who the special person in my life is.

...and this is why my kid is the greatest kid.

Loving...

...my Iced Tea Pot by Mr. Coffee. Don't get me wrong. I love sun tea. Just a brilliant way to make tea but when it's nearly midnight and you are jonesing for some sweet tea, Mr. Coffee becomes your best friend.

...Conan O'Brien. I've been watching him from his first show with Andy Richter and guests that no one heard of. He is the funniest man in late night. When I was younger, I watched Dave Letterman and I still like the guy but Conan is just fucking POT ROASTING brilliant. Leno just gets on my last freakin nerve. The only good things about Leno are Headlines and the guests...nothing to do with Leno who is nails-on-the-board annoying. Conan...YUMMY GOODNESS! He's brilliant, I tell you.

Happiness is. . .

. . . teaching Emmaline how to pay hopscotch and not minding that we both look silly playing

. . .drawing a Naomi-piece in sidewalk chalk on the drive

. . .watering the flowers in the flower bed and noticing they've grown an itsy bit already

. . .blowing bubble after bubble because it seems like the bottle is bottomless

. . .remembering Friday afternoons free of any schedule are always fun

I heart...

Ocean Potion

Wednesday love

Folding towels that were rinsed in fabric softener while listening to music in a house with lots of open windows on a breezy spring day.

The object of my affections

I've added a new category: Love Affairs. I was thinking of adding it this morning before I set out reading my regular reads when I ran over to Doug's Earthbound, and the man confirmed I needed to do this. It was mystical, I tell you! Mystical!!!

anyways...

I take things for granted at times. The simple things I really enjoy and love. I think at times, like others surely do, that I'd be happier if I had...wissa wissa wissa. So, I need a good kick in my ass at times to remember what is truly important to me. Right, Ali?! I've moved a couple of my posts to the new category, namely my 100 things list that is taking forever to write.

Ok. Enough of a lead in and explanation.

Today's love affair:

My freshly cleaned out flower beds.

23-40

It's time for this because frankly I can't get rid of this desire to stab myself to death. BLAH!!!

23)I'm always singing even if it's in my head. Music is at the soul of everything.
24)I have soft skin.
25)I'm sexually and sensually awesome!
26)Great sense of humor.
27)I like middle of the night phonecalls. They are generally so raw and honest but I don't know many people who like receiving them like me so I don't make or receive them often.
28)I'm a pretty good cook.
29)I have a nice speaking voice, often called sexy, professional, comforting.
30)I'm a lucid dreamer. And dream quite a bit during a sleep.
31)Sushi is my absolute favorite and can be orgasmic for me.
32)Feel immediately relaxed by water. I can fall asleep on a beach or floating in a pool.
33)I love writing poetry and am actually quite proud of some of my pieces.
34)I don't mind getting lost.
35)I'm intelligent...have a decent IQ.
36)I'm a quick learner.
37)I'd give my last dollar to my enemy if they seriously need it.
38)Some of my earliest memories are from around year two of my life...and they are vivid.
39)British comedy
40)I'm teaching myself to crochet and can make an awesome scarf. And I'm working on a blanket now.

Nice Saturday so far

accomplished some domestics
watching Mr. Bean on the television with a laughing child
windows opened on a breezy spring day
chicken and pepperoni parmigiana in the oven

Today's love affairs

Emmaline's kissable lips
"O Holy Night" in the shower
Wendy's frosties
Tuscan chicken soup from Steph
Duck pond duck gang
Chalk drawings
"I'm Mr. Snowmeister..." on the voicemail from Tom
Christmas bonus
Two hugs from two good people
Blue sweater
Good IM chat with Ivette
Veruca cuddling
Smell of cinnamon in building

100

Go through enough blogs and you'll find a few "100 things about me." This is not one of those...well not really.The most debilitating thing in my life is not bipolar. I think I could probably deal with that on a level playing field. Most wouldn't even know that I have it. I'm a high-functioning bipolar. I've probably one of the worst self-esteems you can imagine. I've started a list of 100 things that define me and I like. I've only 22 so far. It's a difficult thing for me. And I'm coming up with it alone. It's wonderful when people compliment me. (I need to hear those.) Unfortunately I need to believe my own words. But you CAN help. Although I have to come up with the 100, I could use the support to do it. Hey, I'd be accountable if I make note of it and then don't. Right? They are silly. They are little. But they make up me..and sometimes I forget me. And I think deep inside the core of me, I actually do like me. So, here I go:

1)I love my curly hair and that people have to touch it and comment on how much there is. 2)I eat french fries with mayonnaise..on the side so I can dip. 3)The rain makes me happy. 4)I like extremely hot showers and don't take baths...sitting in scalding water makes me light-headed and nauseous. 5)I hate swimming in warm water. It has to be cool/cold or I feel I'm swimming in spit. 6)I smoke a cigar every few months just because. 7)I love pens, papers and journals. 8)I always look for Orion in the night sky. 9)I smell people when they're close/walk by. 10)I like being tall and wearing heels makes me feel sexier. 11)I like to compliment people especially strangers. 12)Being surrounded by books automatically lifts my spirits/calms me. 13)I look at the ground for frogs and walls/trees for lizards. 14)I always have a kite in my car ready for use. 15)I like animal noses. 16)I like to name trees/plants. 17)I use chopsticks regularly. 18)When I go out to eat, I always get two drinks including an iced water. 19)I carry my journal always. 20)I like to play with yo-yos and have a few. 21)I like my first, middle and nicknames. 22)Best place of a pillow is the cold spot underneath where I can put my hands.

Words

I love words. I become infatuated with them as well as with the people who use them so passionately....so eloquently...so effectively. Great writers, whether known or not, make me drool (I would be the dip sitting in the corner of a recital blushing and smiling and drooling upon myself...don't mind me).

What are your favorite words? Sit and think a moment. A great exclamation bursting from your mouth in a profanity? (James Lipton of "The Actor's Studio" ends the episodes asking the actors their favorite curse word) Or a sensual word that rolls on your tongue before it glides over your lips? Perhaps that word with a gutteral growl?

I love: incessant, orgasmic, inherent, innate, prolific, benevolent, lucid, preguntas (spanish, questions), Lo siento (spanish, I'm sorry), ethereal, infinite, sensual, passionate, voluptuous, sexy, stupor, cadence, prose, ancient, cosmic, stellar, conundrum, epitome, epoxy, enigma, stoic, epiphany, chaos, derivative, sequential, zealot and zealous,'bloody hell', muck (as in 'don't muck with that' or 'muck about'), fuck (omigosh, a cuss word!), mea culpa (latin, acknowledging fault), paradigm, iris, traverse, transient, delectable, edible, adjacent, syllabic, theist and theism, deity, omniscient, omnipotence, linguist, lengua (spanish, tongue or language), ennui...and more and more and more....

Words influence us. They can remain with us from childhood. They can begin a war or a new romance. They express our love and anger, our thoughts and opinions, our history and future.