Untitled

I'm not sure where this blog is going to go, hence the title "Untitled".  My boyfriend and I have, once again, broken up. I will admit that things weren't always great, but I still love him.  He has his faults, but so do I.  I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, but then who is?  I don't really think that relationships have to be as complicated as we make them.  Why is it that love is not enough?  Right now, I am in a very strange spot.  Part of me is so angry that he would hurt me like this again.  Then there is the other part that is just so sad that I don't even want to be alive anymore.  The only thing that keeps me from doing something really stupid is knowing that I would never be with my son again.  I would never be anywhere again.  Then there is the fear of the pain of doing the actual deed.  Of course, don't think that I haven't thought of the other ways to check-out of the pain of life.  Pills.  My luck, I would just end up in a coma, I wouldn't die.  I thought about the whole slitting my wrists route, way too much pain involved there.  The shooting thing, I wouldn't do that for one very important reason.  Driving off a cliff might work, but then there's still that I might not die thing and just be severely injured thing again.  So, I guess for now I have to just live with the pain.  So many people keep telling me that I can "do better", but that is so not what I want to hear.  I want to hear that things are going to be great.  Things will change overnight and we'll get back together tomorrow.  It's been just less than two days, but it feels like so much longer.  I am so physically sick.  I can't eat, I can't sleep.  I am just sort of going through the motions of everything.  I know that I worked yesterday, but I don't really remember a lot.  I just want everything to be good again.