Welcome to My Pensieve

What Type of Waman Am I?

This is spooky.  I took this quiz on Facebook:

Lovely Lady

You are lovely and caring. You help others and spread out a lot of sympathy. Your life aim maybe is to serve the people. But your weakness is that you forget about yourself, your own needs. All your time is hold back for your friends and family. You are always there for people in trouble. Ready for any emergency. You make a lot of sacrifices just to be a good human. But every woman has her needs, her longings and a destiny. Don't loose yourself in work or curing other people's souls. You will have your own problems in your life. Another problem is that you don't say your opinion when it's right and important to say it. People trample onto your soul if you are always so kind and lovely and helpful. They will play on you. Though you should try to relax more and enjoy your life, you should not loose the gift that was given to you to help others . Not everyone is created this way... You are uniqe and rare!

Craziness and Procrastination

Well, I should be at home packing, but I am not.  I will just do what I always do, procrastinate until the last fucking minute.  It's what I do.  So, I got to see Aaron tonight.  Things are good.  He kinda said that some of the things that he said on Sunday should not have been said.  Duh.  He had told me that if he had had it with the way that my son, Michael, treats me.  He is very disrespectful and kinda hateful.  Aaron stated that if I didn't have a talk with Michael and get him to change his attitude, then it would be the end of he and I.  WTF?!  He then proceeded to say that if we did break-up, we could still "hang-out" and be friends.  I don't rightly think so.  I love him too much to ever be just friends with him.  But, things are worked out now.  Thank God!  I don't think that I could ever handle it if we ever broke up.  He has made me so happy these past 8 1/2 months.  He has allowed me to finally be myself.  He accepts me for who I am, flaws and all.  He pretty much completes me.  What would I ever do without him.   I shudder to even think about that! 

So, I need  to find a costume for Halloween.  I'm going to check out rental places tomorrow.  Wish me luck.  I need to find a Storybook character costume.  Easier said than done.  I wish so bad that I could sew!

Ok, my contacts are getting ready to jump out of my eyes.  I guess that means that I need to get the hell off here and get going.  I'll write more tomorrow. 

I Can Write Again!!

This is my first REAL Typepead post!!  I have not been able to write for a while, due to judgemental people.  It really sucked lots!!!  At my last site, someone decided to become "concerned" for me.  They proceeded to bring their concerns to the attention of the kids' director at our church.  Since I work with the kids, she was also "concerned" for me.  Just because I cussed, talked about drinking, and having sex with my fabulous boyfriend, they felt that the things I was posting were inappropriate.  Uh...don't read it?  That would work.  Otherwise...kiss my bright white ass!!!  Just because I'm not Miss SuperChristian, please don't judge me!  I mean, look in the fucking mirror!  Are they perfect?  No, they just don't broadcast their transgressions to the world.  They're just not as honest as me.  It must really suck to be them.  To live in their tiny microscopic word, constantly wondering if this is the day that that they'll be "found out".  Or...just having such a nonexistant life that they have to watch mine.  Rhere are much more exciting lives to concentrate on than mine, believe you me.  This is so much fun.  Actually being able to write what I want!!  This is going to be an enjoyable ride.  Just hang on!!  It's only the beginning!!!

Why Do I Always Feel Like the Morton’s Salt Girl?!?

Well, things are blah and stressful at the moment.  I just found out that my rent is going to go up from $385 to $450.  There's no way that I can begin to afford that on my own.  Which brings us to the present.  I found a new job.  I really like it, and I work with a great group of people.  It only pays $8/hour.  That's the only bad thing.  I can't begin to pay everything, on my own, making that.  You notice that I keep saying "on my own"?  Well, there is reasoning behind this.  I can't really go into detail right now.  Maybe later.  Things have just been kinda "blue" for me this week.  I haven't been feeling well.  I finally got some sleep last night after taking 2 sleeping pills.  I feel a little better.  But, I've just been dealing with some personal shit.  I have been feeling kind of lonely lately.  I miss having a close girl friend around that I can talk to.  Nae is always there for me, but she's not HERE.  I miss Stephanie so much.  I wish that we had not starting drifting apart towards the end.  But, it's not like I can bring her back.  And I can't really talk to Rachel about everything that I'm feeling.  I just wish that Nae were here in JC.  Well, I've got to go to work.  I also have to call some apartment places.  Pray that i can find a solution that will make everyone happy.  Also just pray that I can get out of this stupid funk that i'm in.  I'm so tired of just crying at the drop of a hat!!

Looking Back and Loving the Future

Wow.  I went back and read some of my old blogs.  I was a very bitter single person.  I did have one thing right, though.  I always knew that God would send someone into my life that would make being single for so long worth it.  He definitely has sent the perfect person for me.  Aaron is the best thing that has happened to me in the absolute longest time.  I know that so many of you that read my blogs are probably tired of hearing all of this, but it's so true.  I love him SOO much. He makes me look forward to every minute of my life.  He is the reason that I am so much happier than I have been in a very long time.  This is going to sound oh so corny, but he really has brought a huge ray of light and hope into my life.  He is always there for me.  He always tells me that he loves me, and I know that he does.  I really do thank God every second of the day for sending Aaron into my life. I'm not sure what I would do without him.  There were so many times in my life that I was just ready to give up.  I felt like God had just forgotten about me.  I am so glad that I said "yes" when Aaron wanted me to go to the Sweetheart Banquet with him last February.  That was the best decison that I have ever made in my entire life.  I have so found my perfect match.  We have the same sense of humor.  I love his family-granted, his mom and I have been friends for about 8 yrs.  His sister, Rachel, and I have always gotten along.  I've known one of his nephews and his neice since they were born.  I've known his other nephew since he was about 2 or 3.  I was friends with his sister, Casie, who we all miss SOO much.  His mom and my mom have the same middle name.  My grandma's middle is Rachel.  How cool is all of that?  Now you are probably wondering the same thing that I have wondered: "why didn't we get together sooner?"  I don't know why.  God just has better reasons, I guess.  I know that even about 5 years ago, I was probably not at a place in my life where I would have been good "girlfriend material".  So, like I said, God knew what he was doing.   

Well, it's like almost 1 am.  I guess that i had better take out my "eyes" and get some sleep.  I've got to clean the house and do laundry before my aunt gets home tomorrow night.  I just needed to blog a little bit.  I just wanted to once again, let everyone know that I think that even though I am going through a tough patch, I am still the happiest I have ever been!!

Take Care.  Later...

@------->------ B

Figuring Things Out...Sort Of

Well, as many of you know, I am unemployed.  I am really getting tired of not working.  Now the worrying has started to set in.  How am I going to pay for everything?  That kind of stuff.  Well, I'm going to talk with my mom and stepdad tonight to see if we can get some things figured out.  Right now, I'm just trying to figure everything out.  At least one part of my life that doesn't worry me..Aaron.  I really do love him so much. i know that he is always going to be there for me.  I mean, he wants to marry me for God's sake?!  There are not many people that would be able to handle me, my family, and all of the drama that surrounds it.  That really means something.  I can't wait until we are living together full time.  I miss him so much when we're not together.  I'm not saying that we shouldn't do things without each other every so often.  There is no way that I would ever do that that to him.  Just because we're a couple doesn't mean that we can't still do things with our friends and stuff.  That would be selfish and it would definitely make me a bitch.  That I'm not.  At least I try not to be.  If ever I start sounding like one, please someone care enough to let me know!  Well, I guess that I need to get off my ass and get some stuff done.  I need to run into town for a while.  I actually need to run to Wal-Mart.  Aaron calls it my second home.  I have to return something that I bought while in the Branson area.  I got the wrong size.  I also have to pick up some shampoo.  First, I'll have to get gas.  There goes about $40.00!!  So, before i bore you anymore with my exciting shopping list, I'll stop.  Take Care.  Later...

What Is A Pensieve?

Ok.  My Blog Page is called "Welcome To My Pensieve".  If you are a Harry Potter fan, than you already know what a pensieve is.  If not, you are going to be taught something new and interesting.  Dumbledore has a Pensieve in his office.  It is a giant bowl where you can deposit any of your thoughts that you may want to revisit at a later time.  You use your wand to remove the thoughts from your mind and then, with your wand, deposit saidthoughts into the "Pensieve".  Cool, huh.  So, my blog page is sort of my own little pensieve.  That way, I can go back and revisit any of my previous thoughts, whenever I want to.  See, I can be clever when I really try.

Life..As It Is

Well, still unemployed.  I did get 2  more rejections, though.  Talk about starting to get a complex.  Geez.  Anyways.  I am going to start submitting Dental Assisting resumes to dental offices in the St. Louis area.  Some people don't think that that is a good idea.  My answer is "I'm 34.  Deal with it."  I have to go where the jobs are.  I can't sit on my blessed assurance and draw unemployment for the rest of my natural life.  Give me a friggin break.  I need to work. 

Well, went camping this week.  First time in my life.  It was actually fun.  I can't wait to go again.  Oh, this is a good one... Aaron askws Lil J, his neice,  if she wanted a new "aunt".  She told him "no".  When he asked her why, she said because she didn't like bugs.  that is so cute.  Brenden, my new favorite buddy and Aaron's youngest nephew, asked Aaron: "When are you going to marry Miss Beth?"  Aaron replied: "When I'm good and ready."  Without missing a beat, Brenden told him:  "You're good and ready now."  I just love kids.  You never know what's going to come out of their mouths. 

michael was with Mom & Sam this week.  He leaves for church camp tomorrow.  As a matter of fact, I am supposed to be packing his suitcase right now.  Oops.  I love him, but time away from each other is good for us.  This means that I will get to spend "alone time" with Aaron.   I cannot wait.  We haven't had much time alone lately.  Tomorrow night cannot get here soon enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I took 2 merit tests yesterday and a typing test today.  I should get the results within 2 weeks.  In between the tests yesterday, I had some time to kill...about 4 hours.  So, I stopped by "Celebrations", a local bridal shop.  I tried on 3 absolutely fabulous dresses.  I absolutely fell in love with one of them.  Two of them laced up the back, corset-style.  The 3rd one had buttons down the back, but just zipped.  The one that  fell in love with is an Alfred Dunner with the most exquisite beading details.  the train is just the perfect length.  It's a strapless.  I tried to see if I could see a pic online.  I couldn't find one.  I did find one of the other dresses that I tried.  Unfortunately, the computer will not work with me.  So, you will just have to wait to see a pic.  Sorry. 

Well, folks.  That's pretty much all for now.  I have to get home and get Michael packed for camp.  Take Care.  Keep Rachel in your prayers.  Later. 

Searching...

For those of you that may not know, I am currently unemployed.  I have filled out so many online apps that I now almost have my Driver's License number memorized!  I keep hearing "you interview very well, we'll get back to you".  If I interview so damn well, hire me!  I put in resumes at 2 dental offices.  Keep your fingers crossed.  I want one of those really bad.  Of course, you all know what my dream job would be...to make a CD and sing for a living.  Like that's going to happen.  I am getting ready to go down the street to the Temp Service.  They always find me a data entry job pretty quick.  I need to find something really fast, August is just around the corner.  I have got to get money saved for Vegas!  Not to mention that if I don't find a job soon, I am going to go insane.  How can people stay at home all the time?  I mean, don't get me wrong, it would be wonderful to be married and be a stay-at-home mom.  I would still have to have something away from home to keep me occupied for a couple of days a week.  Wouldn't that be the ideal dream?  To be married, have a couple of kids, and not HAVE to work full-time?  God, that would the the ultimate.  Anyways.  I had better get off of the computer and off of my ass and get down to Manpower.  Oh, I almost forgot!!  The Rascal Flatts/Taylor Swift concert!!  It was completely awesome!  We ended up getting upgraded seats.  I would love to see them again.  Saturday was fun, too.  The tournament was intense.  Fun, but very intense.  Headed back Saturday evening.  Spent Fathers' Day with Sam.  It was fun.  Not much more.  I HAVE GOT TO GO.  Take Care.  Later. 

Mothers Day

I hope that everyone had a fun Mother's Day.  I did.  I got to spend it with the people that I love most.  Of course before the day was over, I had to ground Michael for his attitude problem.  I got presents from Aaron, too.  Isn't he just the sweetest? 

Well, this has to be a short blog.  I have to hurry so that I can enter into the gates of Hell.  Later.  I love Aaron!!!