Thinking I should be a lesbian. Yes, I'm joking. But my reasoning is that men and women tend to have difficulties communicating. And yes, I know I'm lump summing there. Forgive me that. I know there are exceptions and I know that it depends really on how assertive each person is. But...let's just go along with my crazy "what the hell you talkin bout" tangent for a moment.
Why is it so difficult for two people to talk to each other honestly? Women do it with each other. We talk frankly about our bodies, partners, children, sex, feelings, jobs, and everything else we get going on. And although men have a different language with each other, I think they still have frank conversations with each other about anything and everything. So, what's the problem with a man and a woman?
I have good open conversations with men but sometimes something happens somewhere in there when I'm not looking. Either I get a vibe from him that he's thinking entirely too much about what's going on here or that he thinks I'm thinking entirely too much about the depth of our "thing." And perhaps because there's the added tension of animal instinct to partner up, we suddenly become timid and fearful of expressing ourselves. EVEN IF there's no actual attraction, stunned and stupified, we stop being real.
Perhaps it's my fault. I'll accept blame. I mean I do have a tendency to be too open, too touchy-feely, too dedicated to people. So, could be my fault. I flirt when I don't know it. I listen because I really want to know what a person is saying. I embrace the person I'm with. I guess it's like sex or a love affair for those moments that a conversation lasts. The attention, the give and take, the satisfaction. So, perhaps it's my fault when things go all wonky.
It's happened before. I've been given the "just friends" talk when I didn't expect it. I wasn't even attracted to the guy other than friendship. It confused me when it happened.
And when I am attracted to someone? God, that's just a pain in the ass. The signals don't work or something is not going the right way.
IT'S TOO DAMN HARD TO BE FRIENDS WITH MEN!!! I didn't think so but perhaps I was naive and I'm continuously getting bit in the ass for that.
I don't think I have problems being friends with men. I don't think I have difficulty talking to them. I don't see myself as trying to be one way or another in a conversation other than Naomi. Honesty, frankness, humor, intelligence, and a brevy of other things to keep a chat going. SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM?!
I know I'm not the only one going through this. I KNOW other people are stuck trying to figure out why he or she is acting all fucked up suddenly. Or why words and emotions are hard to get out. I mean, hell!
I know I'm not making any sense. It's something I'll have to talk about to Carrie. I can completely unload to her.
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