How Many Stars for That?

I am baaaaaad about posting about my movie viewing, and you all know I watch a lot of movies. (Can I add for the billionth time that I enjoy working where I work? How great is it to watch any freaking movie for free? And as many times as I want? Just putting that out there again.)

So, what do you want to watch? Is it worth your $8-12? Just a few notes on what's out right now.

The Night Listener -  I was looking forward to this one. I am a Robin Williams fan. I don't know why. It may have something to do with wanting to fuck him at least once in my life. Yes, I have a teeny little thing for Robin Williams. And he is funny.

But this movie.....I call it "The Little Engine that Could've." So many elements about this film were right on but never went anywhere. The plot was a good one that could have taken the actors to so many places. A boy who was used for the sick sexual pleasure of his parents and their friends has AIDS and writes a book. He was adopted by a woman who keeps him from the dangerous elements of his past. But does he exist?

How can you screw that up? You've got suspense just dripping from that plot. And throw in that this story is based on actual events? People are gonna want to see it. But screw the movie up, indeed. It had Toni Collette and Sandra Oh acting beside Robin Williams. Speaking of Ms. Oh...why introduce a character and do nothing with her? Same with Williams' character's boyfriend. The movie makes this announcement about the main's relationship and puts a spotlight on it frequently. Yes, I understand the reason why. I do but there was no resolution to any of it.

And the movie was sooooooooo slow. Honestly, I wanted to leave so many times but the scenes would build up to these "Don't leave. I promise. Something is going to happen that will leapfrog this film into an amazingly crazy ride." Then nothing would happen. Don't believe me? Em went to the bathroom at one moment and when she returned asked what had happened. I explained that the cop tasered Williams' character. "Great! I missed the most exciting part of the movie!"

So much potential. Honestly, it's not that acting was bad or any of those natural things that make a film suck were there. It just did. I left pissed that I didn't get more from the film.

The Descent/Pulse - The Descent is about a group of splunking women. They have to find their way out of a cave. There are human-like things in the cave. There is death. Blood. Escape. Yada Yada Yada. I watched The Cave months and months ago. Then I watched it again when I walked into The Descent.

Pulse is evidently like Stir of Echoes and White Noise, which I haven't seen either. I do know that elements of Pulse are similar to a Japanese film called Sukima (Crevices). My understanding is that Pulse is based on a Japanese film anyways. Creepy moments and the greyness of the backdrop make it more wicked seeming, which was a bonus. Who wants to think that the dead are just walking around wanting to suck our souls out because they crave what we have? If you want to waste some money, go see Pulse. Otherwise, wait until it's released on DVD. I will say though Japanese writers should be applauded for knowing how to make a scary movie. I'm tired of gore equating scary. No. When you can scare an audience with very little effort on your part and the imagination in overdrive, you've done a good job.

Talladega Nights - If you don't like Will Ferrell, don't go (talking to my lovely Ms. Carrie). This is typical Ferrell stuff, and yes, I laughed. Two of the best scenes in the film are the dinner prayer and the steak knife. "Dear baby Jesus watching your Baby Einstein....." And when someone starts praying to Tom Cruise to use his witchcraft?! You know the night is good! Funniest thing by far about this movie are the people walking out of this film because they are offended. It's helped me past the nights at work sometimes.

World Trade Center - I will admit that when we first received posters for this film, I did not put them up. I didn't know what Oliver Stone was going to do; and I just didn't want to have any part in advertising more friction between people. But, after discovering it was a film about the survival of two men, I decided to watch it. I cried, mostly out of remembering what happened that day. That day, people both lost and found hope. Man showed his beauty and his cruelty. So, I have to say that most of my tears were for the apathy and empathy we have for each other. Otherwise, the film should be given some kudos. Applause goes to Nicholas Cage and Michael Pena for the close quarters they squeezed into for the filming of the duration of the film. Their performances were quite good. I don't think they were as visible in this film then they should have been. The men they portrayed survived and we got a lot of what their families were going through during the film. I know you can't have a two hour film about their experiences when mostly all these men did was wait. Still...I wanted to see Cage and Pena more.

Clerks II - Kevin Smith was ruder and cruder. The Wild Bill scene was fabulous (Jason Mews is the best). But Elias is by far the greatest character Smith has created or perhaps it's just the genius way that Trevor Fehrman carried him off. He is the antithesis of Randall's character and you can see them being best friends until the day they both die. And Pillow Pants is a must know.

Monster House 3D/Barnyard - We are showing 3D movies at our place now and I am so freakin happy because it's in time for the re-release of The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. Our inaugral 3D is Monster House and I really enjoyed it. The sidekick character is one that you both laugh at and thank God he's not yours.

Now, Barnyard was definitely made for young children. Not really a good film. Two things redeem it and make me want to walk back into the theater to see it at least once more. 1)The special chick. You know how animators draw chicks cute and cuddly and you just want to own one? Well, for some reason....some really messed up reason....there is a baby chick in the film that is 'special'. He doesn't look the same as the other chicks. He doesn't sound the same as the other chicks. And no one seems to notice he's different....except Naomi and Emma who couldn't stop laughing at the poor chick. It's a pee in your pants sort of laugh. One that continues past the point of appropriateness. Yeah. 2) The nosy neighbor and her husband. I swear. I hope I live next to people like these two. I think it would give me a sense of joy knowing that I wake up every day to them. And the best line? Come on. You've seen the commercials: "It's a cow farm There's gonna be cows outside." If you have very young children, take them to this one but really....

One more and then I'm off to bed (not saying that I haven't seen others).

Snakes on a Plane - Really, I didn't want to see this one. Emma wanted to so I took her. It's not an Oscar winner. Absolutely not. And there are far better films out there. Far funnier films out there. But it was funny. It was stupid. It made you squirm. I don't have a penis but even I jump at seeing a huge ass snake chomp down on a man's bed snake. Wanna see it? Go with friends. I don't think this is going to be that cult classic that they were hoping for....or advertised gratuitiously for.

Comments

[Tom]

Forget "Ebert and Ropert At the Movies".... How about "Sexy Chica At the Movies"!! I know I'd watch it!! :) This message was brought to you by the LFCSF (Loyal Followers of the Cult of the Severed Foot).

[Carrie]

Thank you! More movie reviews! And thank you baby Jesus.

[Erin]

You are so lucky to see movies for free!

With my budgeted state of being a SAHM I rarely get to a nighttime movie. Its all good though, I have a $1.50 movie theater that I go to, the movies come out a couple of months late but I still get to see them!

I'm bummed about Barnyard, I have to take my son because he already told me I had too, lol, but I wanted to enjoy it too!