The thought of such a contraption sounds heavenly to me right now. Nutters, right? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I feel calmer when I turn off unwanted attention and stimuli. I've been plugging in the Skullcandies and just listening to the MP3 on random. Some songs I've actually had to skip because certain frequencies and sounds are really bothering me. I've been ignoring phonecalls and texts and people and these continue to occur whether or not I respond...and people are phonecalling and texting each other about me.
I went into those dreadful days last week already feeling overwhelmed by my senses. I just wanted to hide and to flip a switch, very much like on a lamp to silence all that noise. But I soldiered on and went to work and really just flipped out a little bit. Regret. Always with me is my embarrassing partner, regret. Stupid little bitch!
Sleep. I love to sleep entirely too much. I think I've mentioned this before. Not a healthy way to address issues but such a lovely way to pass the time. Avoidance in a dreamlike trance where I'm a beautiful heroine that can solve any problem and everyone adores me. HA!
sigh....
I need to let loose some of this shit building up in my psyche. I've gotten to comfortable with repressing the emotions and they are leaking out of my pores like pus. Yuck. I've decided to try and revive the saner parts of me (what little bits that are left). Write more. Want to write more but unable to be honest for fear and apathy and depression. Yes, another jumpstart crapper. Bear with me. Quite a bit of me is sadden that there may be no one reading this site anymore. I admit that I want an audience to pay attention to me. Validation. Sad, isn't it? Ho hum.
Stealing one of those memes from a friend that posted it near New Years. Going to post the meme with all my answers and then take each one of them and write an entry on it. Writing fodder. What I've done is in red.
Have Had An Asthma Attack
Smoked A Cigarette
Smoked A Cigar
Been Drunk
Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
Been In Love or still in love
Been Dumped
Been Fired
Been In A Fist Fight
Snuck Out Of A Parent's House
Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
Been Arrested Or Seen Someone You Know Get Arrested
Made Out With A Stranger
Gone Out On A Blind Date
Had A Crush On Someone Older Than You
Skipped School
Slept With A Co-worker / Teammate Or Relationship Close To It
Seen Someone / Something Die
Been On A Plane
Thrown Up From Drinking
Eaten Sushi
Been Snowboarding / Skiing
Been Mosh Pitting
Taken Pain Killers
Love(d) Or Lust Someone Who You Can't Have
Been In A BAD Relationship
Laid On Your Back and Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
Made a Snow Angel
Had A Tea Party
Flown A Kite
Built A Sand Castle
Gone Puddle Jumping
Played Dress Up
Jumped Into A Pile of Leaves
Gone Sledding
Cheated While Playing A Game
Been Lonely
Fallen Asleep At Work / School
Used a Fake / Someone Else's ID
Watched The Sun Set / Sun Rise
Felt An Earthquake
Kissed A Snake
Been Tickled
Been Robbed / Vandalized
Robbed Someone (Or Store)
Been Misunderstood
Pet A Deer
Won A Contest
Been Suspended
Had Detention
Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
Had / Have Braces
Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night
Had Deja Vu
Danced In The Moonlight
Hated The Way You Look
Questioned Your Heart
Been Obsessed With Post-it Notes
Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
Been Lost
Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
Swam In The Ocean
Felt Like You Were Dying
Cried Yourself To Sleep
Played Cops And Robbers
Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
Sang Karaoke ...
Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
Made Prank Phone Calls
Laughed Until Some Kind of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
Kissed In The Rain
Written A Letter To Santa Claus
Been Kissed Under A Mistletoe
Watched The Sun Set With Someone You Care / Cared About
Blown Bubbles
Made A Bonfire
Crashed A Party
Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full of People
Gone Rollerskating / Blading
Had A Wish Come True
Been Humped By A Monkey
Worn Pearls - even though they were fake
Jumped Off A Bridge / Something Close to A Bridge
Swam With Dolphins
Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole / Freezer / Ice Cube
Kissed A Fish
Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
Sat On A Roof Top
Screamed At The Top of Your Lungs
Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
Stayed Up All Night
Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
Climbed A Tree
Had / Been In A Tree House
Have Been / Are scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
Seen / Heard A Ghost / Spirit
Have / Had More Than 30 Pairs Of Shoes Or Flip Flops
Gone Streaking
Been To / Visited Someone At Jail
Played Chicken
Been Pushed Into A Pool With All Your Clothes On
Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
Broken A Bone
Been Easily Amused
Caught A Fish
Caught A Butterfly
Laughed So Hard You Cried
Cried So Hard You Laughed
Mooned / Flashed Someone
Had Someone Moon / Flash You
Cheated On A Test
Forgotten Someone's Name
French Braided Someone's Hair
Been Kicked Out Of Your House
Rode A Roller Coaster
Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
Had A Cavity
Been Used
Fell Going Up The Stairs
Licked a Cat
Bitten Someone
Licked Someone
Been Shot At
Had Sex In Or Next To A Field / Garden / Lake / Ocean / Park
Flattened Someone's Tires
Drove / Rode In A Car Until The Gas Light Came On
Had Five Dollars Or Less And Bought Something
Hey cool, my computer's doing that awesome posting twice thing again, except the other week it was everything three times, like when I was ordering Christmas presents online. No wonder it seemed so expensive!
Btw, I'm totally borrowing this idea for my journal too. Some of these would make great posts.
Posted by: Sami | 09 January 2008 at 12:58 PM
Hey cool, my computer's doing that awesome posting twice thing again, except the other week it was everything three times, like when I was ordering Christmas presents online. No wonder it seemed so expensive!
Btw, I'm totally borrowing this idea for my journal too. Some of these would make great posts.
Posted by: Sami | 09 January 2008 at 12:58 PM
Hey - I'm still out here reading. I haven't called. Not because I don't want to talk to you, because I do, but because I get what you're going through and I get that you want to be alone and avoid-y right now and I want to give you space to figure stuff out and not bug you. When you're ready to talk to someone I hope you'll call. And I hope mine wasn't one of the numbers you deleted. :P Love ya!
Posted by: Sami | 09 January 2008 at 12:55 PM
Hey - I'm still out here reading. I haven't called. Not because I don't want to talk to you, because I do, but because I get what you're going through and I get that you want to be alone and avoid-y right now and I want to give you space to figure stuff out and not bug you. When you're ready to talk to someone I hope you'll call. And I hope mine wasn't one of the numbers you deleted. :P Love ya!
Posted by: Sami | 09 January 2008 at 12:55 PM