Blue Monday

I am depressed. I have a good feeling it's associated with the hurtful interaction Emmaline and I had yesterday. Good god, I hate those. Probably the only thing worse than the painful exchanges between parent and child would be the absence of one from the other's life. Small blessings for the rows between us, right.

I take them hard. Sometimes...I lie....all the times, I have horrible flashbacks to the relationship between myself and my parents. Thus, a day or so to recover. I feel like I'm covered in bad parent viscous after. eh. eh. eh.

I had a nightmare last night surrounding a male figure. Something to do with dead and evil and loss and all that rot. Could be the influence of the movie we watched yesterday, Quarantine upon my dreams but movies rarely do that to me.

I am glad my child is growing up but I do miss the days when she was so glad to throw her arms around me and hug me like I was the most precious thing in the world. Now? I feel like I'm a porcupine and she's a cactus, and we're walking barefooted on hot broken glass in a three by five room with no air conditioner, window, or door.

I feel blue.