I do read the personal ads. I have user names at different sites because I like to see what's out there and what these people are looking for. I'm curious. I'm self-conscious. I want to know what I'm battling when it comes to finding "MR. RIGHT" but I will probably never (and I use that word almost zealously in this case) answer one of these ads.
I can't. I don't trust them. I don't trust the honesty and heart behind the follow-up of them. I believe the sincerity of the posting of them, in the majority of them. But I don't believe that people are ultimately happy by the responses received with such posting. Responders lie. Pictures are taken at angles and are out-dated. And there is a general feeling of desperation in these ads.
I know. I know. Pot and kettle. Offensive and untrue. I know. Exceptions to the rule. I understand all this. And I don't completely dismiss the effectiveness of personal ads. I like them. I honestly like to read them; and I have a warm spot in my heart for them because I know what people intend with them. There is a glimmer of hope and trust in the cosmos that He will find Her and that She will fall in love with Him. I get all that. I say go for it to those that subscribe to their niche in the dating world.
I just won't answer one. And I can't post one.
If I did, what would I say about myself that isn't as generic as the ones posted by the thousands of others on the different sites? God, all those ads are like a song on repeat because I love thunderstorms too but fucking aye....I don't want to sound like the fucking Pina Colada song.
No, My ad would have to be written by a friend instead of me because if I were the author of my own personal, it would sound like this:
Acerbic naysayer hesitantly seeks man who can dick her daily whilst entertaining her intellect, emotions and wit. Can play any, if not many, instruments with wickedly prodigious talent to woo her constantly. Understands that a long detailed narrative of something mundane will arouse her as much if not more than saying "I'm hard thinking about you." Appreciates her jealousy as a public display of affection and doesn't mind showing a little bit of that himself. Regularly strokes her ego and comforts her paper-thin esteem. Must realize that crazy family comes attached as well as the sordid history with aforementioned insanity, and still wants to visit members during Christmas if need be. Required to come emotionally equipped with boxing gloves, shield, and tweezers. Has the patience and generosity of a saint and the impetuousness and vivacity of a sinner. Mandated to be calmer and more thick skinned than the naysayer but willing to have an ugly fight every now and then. Has a realistic opinion of what a relationship is and understands that long term and ups and downs translates into "If you were paralyzed and I had to wipe your ass for the rest of you life, I still see myself wanting you." Embraces the concept that best friend as first priority in any long-standing relationship with the acerbic one and getting to know her as well as love her can be daunting, perplexing, and quixotic. An intelligent writer and/or musician with a fucking excellent sense of humor will get first dibs.
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