I'm here in Pensacola. Been back since the sixth. I can't make out everything that I feel. Too complicated. Embarrassing. Sad.
I asked Z to do phone sessions with me until I can transition into something else here. Honestly, I don't think he wants to. I've heard the hesitation in his voice but I think he's afraid I'll go off the deep end if I don't have something to anchor me to this fucking life of mine. Had to talk about endings tonight. Great. January 5, 2011. I asked him to give me a date that we'll end this. I got one. I should just tell him nevermind.
I wish I could say that I love my life. I wish I could say that I look forward to what happens to me next. But I'd be lying. I think I'm actually waiting for it to be over. It's a waste of time on me. Everything ends. Never anything stable nor constant in my life.
My mental health homework for the next month and a half is to think about how I want my relationship with my only confidant as of late to end.
Yeah...I'm giving up on mental health. Fuck my feelings!
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