Light and Darkness

Anyone Else Awake?

I wish I could sleep. It's too late in the night to take a sleeping pill since I have to wake in the morning for my second interview. I've tried the good ol' fashion way of trying to make myself tired....couple of orgasms. Nope, I'm wide awake.

I'll probably hang out at Pinterest for a bit looking at architecture and foreign lands. Read from my nook? Sudoku? Online news.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

Five hundred ten words

Today, I have an interview for a part-time job at a bookstore. I'm excited. Silly, but it's on my bucket list to work in one. I worry that my tattoo on my wrist may be a hindrance. Debating whether or not I cover it up with bangles and a watch. Probably will until I know differently.

I had planned on going to the beach. Will have to save that until tomorrow now. Between weather and an unwilling daughter, I've put off going for a couple weeks now. I don't feel like going alone but may have to do so if Pie doesn't agree on going this week. If the weather holds, tomorrow.

Speaking of my child, she turns seventeen on the seventh. She has no direction for her future life. The control freak part of me is freaking out. I had more direction with what I wanted to do with my life at seventeen than I do now, but I know more than not that kids her age shouldn't have clear directions. She hasn't developed completely to understand what she wants. Doesn't keep me from worrying though. I just don't want her to be anything like me. I want her to be so much better. She'll be ok, right? Please, someone, tell me she'll figure it out and be ok.

Dreams are constantly of the men of my life...Angus was last week. This weeks seems to be the sexy musician again. The thing about the SM is that I have these dreams that are about him but he's almost never in them.  I'm usually partying or hanging out with people who are somehow connected to him. I don't know who these people are in my dreams. Composites of real and imaginary people, I assume. But he's always just around the corner, in a way. It's like I'm always waiting for him to return home. Don't need a dream dictionary or Freud or a soothsayer to explain it. I know what it's all about. In last night's doozie, I was partying at his house. Lots of people there as usual. Members of what would be his band. But he's not present. There's a guy that is paying me lots of attention and I like it. Band mate and close friend. And suddenly I'm in this relationship with him, still waiting for SM. BUT this other guy is also partly the SM. Dreams, eh. Like some say....just dumping ground from bits and pieces of the day. We'll pretend this one was that....not some unconscious lusting for a man no longer present in my life.

Did have an influential dream a few nights ago about a story. Told Pie about it. She asked me if I would actually write this one out in a novel. Telling question, yea?! I've been thinking about it because the damn plot is great and getting there is involving. I write some of it up and see what happens.

Between this shite post and traipsing around the internet....well, I've dicked around enough. I need to ready myself. Good day to all.

Deleted

Couple of months ago, May specifically, I deleted my FB account. Never really liked the site (or MySpace) anyways. Made me feel like an interloper. It saddens me that friendships had been reduced to liking another's status or a  note that we should see each other in real life or have a real conversation. Decided to go off the FB grid. If friends wish to keep in touch, if I wished to keep in touch with others, I would have to do it the old fashioned way.

The one easy option of FB was uploading photos. I cheated Vagabond of all my glorious pictures that I had taken over years while on FB. Well, I'm back here. Getting my photos on here from the past years will be a task that I will be completing. If you are a reader of mine (hello, all two of you), please forgive all the photos that will be coming your way.

Dreams of the Dead

My pop and Rosemary have been keeping my mind busy during sleep. I swear the two of them sit around roshamboing for my dreams. And to change it up a bit, dreams of my daughter being lost or kidnapped as a three year old happen.

Eh! I want a happy dream!

Impulsive Nae and her aftermath

I had acquired a part time job last month. Nothing big. Working at a convenience store. I hated that I was doing it. Felt like I had dwindled down to nothing in the employment arena. But it was a job with some money.

Never really liked it. Told my manager that. The training was idiotic and incomplete. Didn't really feel like I fit in. Everyone complained about everyone else. But it was a job...gave me some money.

The assistant manager is a Filipina. Typical Filipina personality. Told me that I was pronouncing my name wrong all these years. Would tell me that I'm Filipina and should now better on a number of different things like cleaning. sigh....but at least I had money and didn't feel like a complete moocher off my mother.

Then today. The Filipina pissed me off. For adequate enough reasons for me to quit.

My car is in the shop with at least $1600 worth of repairs. I've three hundred dollars to my name now since giving my mom $500 for the car. I've wasted too much time being unhappy. My life has little meaning. I'm not wasting emotion or time to work at a job that I hate.

Surprise!

I am back.

Unfortunately, with the move to Pensacola and the current state of unemployment, I had to withdraw from the blogging (still hate that word after nearly a decade of doing this) world. BUT I'm back. I had been active on Facebook (isn't everyone and their mothers) during my sabbatical so hope you creeped around a bit. I missed this place. My sweet ol' space.

Well, Hello again. I'm Naomi. Let the chaos continue.

 

Post Thanksgiving Meal Stupor

It's that time of day to take a nap. I cooked the meal. It was delicious. Now, I'm lazy. Would it be a bad thing to abandon my mom and daughter for a couple hours of blissful laziness in the bed? Anyone want to come and snuggle with me?

Fare thee well, DFW. I barely knew thee.

In a week, I'll be back in Pensacola, Florida. See this face? Well, if you could see my face right now, you would notice the obvious frown cut into my mouth and the scrunched brow. I am not thrilled with this at all.

Without going into too much detail - not because I don't mind the juicy gossip that comes from being me but rather, waking from a troubled sleep at 530a leaves me impatient for details - I'm just not cutting it here in Texas. So, to save Em and myself from drowning in ridiculous amounts of trouble, I'm tucking my tail and returning to Florida.

Regarding DFW, my list of people and things I will miss is long. The potential of what I felt I could accomplish here is too heavy right now to address. But honestly, I will miss Z the most. There is sadness in this that I will not explain. Anger and worry show themselves too. I just don't want to say goodbye to him.

sigh.....I am so not ready for this.

Jolie, the true vagabond

Jolie has run away for the upteenth time.

I'm thinking this dog has something wired in her brain to just take off. She slides out of her collar on walks and bolts. Any other time, she's dragging her poor, old self along. You can see the grey in her muzzle and the years in her step. But if she manages to fanagle her way out of her collar? She's gone in a flash.

I worry about her. I look for her for hours. Our name and number is on her collar but where is it? At the end of her leash sitting her in the apartment.

She was a street dog when we adopted her. I guess she prefers us over that.

Hope you come home, punkass!

The Latest Medical Adventure

Last Monday something bit me at work. Figured it was a mosquito or something insignificant like that. Scratched the bite. It swelled. Tried to squeeze the little pimple like bit. And from there? Well, I'm seeing the doctor every day for a shot in my hip and taking medicines galore!

I didn't report it because I thought it nothing on Monday. By the next day, it had swelled beyond normalcy but still no report. By Friday, I was in 'you're going to lose your arm if you don't do something now' territory and figured it was time to do something. Why didn't I say something earlier? Well, listening to people of your company talk numbers about how much a store accident costs and seeing their faces...I didn't want to be the reason we're not in profit.

THEN, at my second follow-up visit today, the doctor said I had no choice but to go to the emergency room because my brain could explode with how high my blood pressure was.

Stupid, stupid me. The lack of general concern for myself. In my defense, no one likes to tell the boss you're hurt and sick. The response is usually unfavorable during a heavy work day on top of that. Also, I have no money. I never do for stupid doctor's visits and prescriptions. AND WHO THE HELL wants to be on a million different meds.

Speaking of that hellish ordeal, I have three oral prescriptions for the bite running through my vein plus a syrine administered drug plus a new tetanus shot. MY BODY ACHES simply from the drugs. Bonus is the addition of three other drugs today pumped into my system for the blood pressure and THREE MORE PRESCRIPTIONS TO START TAKING TOMORROW! I'm a walking, fucking chemistry lab.

I have another follow-up tomorrow. Probably another shot.

sigh

 

I hate that little bitch of a bug that bit me. I BETTER GET FUCKING SPIDEY SENSES OUT OF THIS!

Late Night Phone Call

I find myself awake, wishing for another person to talk to me.

Um, excuse me. Could you tell me what's written on my forehead?

Apparently, I must have something like a fucking neon above my head or magic marker on my forehead or a natural musk that tells MEN TO FUCK WITH ME!!!!!!!

Honestly tired of of one of the following scenarios always occurring in my love life:

1. He's married or somehow attached to someone else.

2. Man is attracted to me and I don't feel the same.

3. I'm attracted to man and he doesn't feel the same.

I'm being good. Since last relationship (or word that better describes it), I've withdrawn my name for the cosmic dating world. I'm no good at it. I'm lousy, to be frank. So....I've resigned to live life as a spinster. Easier to be asexual than emotionally fucked with.

Really, God.....you didn't think I had enough to deal with in my life that you thought this would be funny?! You're hilarious, Da. Fucking hilarious! Same dude who thought it funny to make Carrot Top is influencing my love life? Ha! I'm laughing. Really, I am. On the INSIDE!

Bitch, I miss you!

Fuck! I miss your emails and phonecalls.

courageous you

Tell me how you feel. You might be surprised by my reaction. I may already know.

Be Mine

I'm a pretty smart cookie and I know I'm probably not ready for a committed relationship but damn, if I don't want a guy to do things with and to. For V-Day can I get one of those?!