Light and Darkness

I Don't Love You by My Chemical Romance

Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

Penny on the Train Track by Ben Kweller

I'm just a penny on the train track
Waitin' for my judgement day
Come on baby girl let me see those legs
Before I get flattened away

I wait
Yeah, I wait
For something good, for something great

Stoppin' in somebody's old home town
Gotta get that midnight meal
If you can't get behind your own life
Get behind the driving wheel

And go, just go
Find a place that you don't know

Ran into a friend just the other night
Got a badge, he's a local cop
Haven't seen that boy in over seven years
Since out of high school I dropped

I see, I see
All the things that I should be

Oh baby dance with me!

Even lucky man has a bad day
And pretty girl has a scar
After that train comes and takes me away
Pick up that guitar

And play, just play
Play that rock and roll for me

He's in the yard just washin' his car
Thinkin' 'bout his pretty wife
Makin' lemonade with the kitchen aid
Makin' him a perfect life

And it's grim, so dim
When you wish that you were just like him

I'm just a penny on the train track
Waitin' for my judgement day
Come on baby girl let me see those legs
Before I get flattened away

I wait, I wait
For something good, for something great

And I try, oh I try
I can't stop, I don't know why

Fix You by Coldplay

My friend Ed shared this YouTube video on his MySpace; and I this it's probably one of the most beautiful things I've heard. I've included the lyrics as well. I think it's probably a very good Emotional Clef entry.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
COULD IT BE WORSE?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Other Side of the World by KT Tunstall

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world                    

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
Ohh.... the other side of the world
You're.... the other side of the world
To me.

He's Gone

originally, She's Gone by Daryl Hall

Everybody's high on consolation
Everybody's tryin' to tell me what is right for me, yeah
My daddy tried to bore me with a sermon
But it's plain to see that they can't comfort me

Sorry charlie for the imposition
I think I got it
I got the strength to carry on
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it's up to me, ooh, what will be

He's gone, oh I
Oh I, I'd better learn how to face it
He's gone, oh I,
Oh I, I'd pay the devil to replace him
He's gone, oh I,
What went wrong?

Get up in the morning and look in the mirror
I'm worn as a toothbrush hangin' in the stand
My face ain't lookin' any younger
Now I can see
Love's taken its toll on me

He's gone, oh I,
Oh I, I'd better learn how to face it
He's gone oh I,
Oh I, I'd pay the devil to replace him
He's gone, oh I,
What went wrong?

Think I'll spend eternity in the city
Let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away
The pretty bodies help dissolve the memories
They could never be what he was to me

He's gone, oh I,
Oh I, I'd better learn how to face it
He's gone, oh I,
Oh I, I'd pay the devil to replace him
He's gone, oh I,
What went wrong?
Whoa...

He's gone
I'd better learn how to face it
I can't believe that he's gone, oh I
He's gone
I'd better learn how to face it
I can't believe that he's gone, oh I

He's gone, he's gone, he's gone...

Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Veni, Creator Spiritus

attributed to Rabanus Maurus

Veni, Creator Spiritus,
mentes tuorum visita,
imple superna gratia
quae tu creasti pectora.

Qui diceris Paraclitus,
altissimi donum Dei,
fons vivus, ignis, caritas,
et spiritalis unctio.

Tu, septiformis munere,
digitus paternae dexterae,
Tu rite promissum Patris,
sermone ditans guttura.

Accende lumen sensibus:
infunde amorem cordibus:
infirma nostri corporis
virtute firmans perpeti.

Hostem repellas longius,
pacemque dones protinus:
ductore sic te praevio
vitemus omne noxium.

Per te sciamus da Patrem,
noscamus atque Filium;
Teque utriusque Spiritum
credamus omni tempore.

Deo Patri sit gloria,
et Filio, qui a mortuis
surrexit, ac Paraclito,
in saeculorum saecula.

Amen.

"You are the god and the weight of her world"

I miss my pop.

It's amazing that so much anger and pain can hurt for so very long. To hold grudges and want vengence. To want restitution for wrongs committed over so many years. The definition of you becomes bitterness  and cynicism because of all this emotional dysfunction.

But when this person...or one of the people who was the root of it....suddenly is removed from your life, my life, things are different.

It's gone. All of it. I don't think I can feel the anger towards my dad anymore. The fear or disappointment. The jealousy or any of it. I can think of a number of reasons why, but I just miss the man. Too much of missing him and worrying about what has become of him now to focus on our troubled past; and I don't want any more of the anger I had towards other people, namely my mother, either. It hasn't served me very well these thirty-three years past.

Carrie helped me a lot through my initial mourning of my dad's death. And something she said will stick with me to the end of my days. She told me that he now knows. He knows everything. He can love me without anything getting in the way. Never has a statement been more powerful in my life.

I've gone through life forcing my parents' identities on what God is. Religious definition of God being that he is our father. Unfortunately, many of us have less than ideal images of our parents. And our parents are but mere mortals, which we tend to forget until becoming parents ourselves.

My dad's death has tested so many 'truths' in my core, most of which I thought were inherent. I don't think we truely understand mortality until someone we see as part of the center of our universe....maybe not our sun but something big like a Jupiter....dies. And when mortality's visage comes in the form of sickness, those unrealistic truths crumble quickly.

But on the same token, I've been thinking. If my father sees me now for all that I am and can finally love me unconditionally. No more anger towards me. No more missed opportunities. No more awkward silences. No disappointments. Disagreements. None of those pesky ideals. If now he loves me for all of whom I am, than it's a fulfilling idea that a God loves me infinitely more.

My mortal life seems so much more significant suddenly to me.

Daughters by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all the walls all continually change

I've done all I can
To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh you see that skin
It's the same shes been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soilder on
But boys would be gone without warmth for a womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl
You are the god, and you are the weight of the world
On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Help by The Beatles

Lyrics by John Lennon/Paul McCartney

Help! I need somebody
Help! not just anybody
Help! you know I need someone
Help!

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone I’m not so self assured
Now I find I’ve changed my mind, I’ve opened up the doors

Help me if you can I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before

Help me if you can I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please please help me?

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone I’m not so self assured
Now I find I’ve changed my mind, I’ve opened up the doors

Help me if you can I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please please help me?
Help me, help me oom

To Know Him Is To Love Him by The Teddy Bears

Lyrics by Phil Spector

To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile
To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
And I do

I'll be good to him, I'll bring love to him
Everyone says there'll come a day when I'll walk alongside of him
Yes, just to know him is to love, love, love him
And I do

Why can't he see, how blind can he be
Someday he'll see that he was meant for me

To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile
To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
And I do

Why can't he see, how blind can he be
Someday he'll see that he was meant for me

To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile
To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
And I do

To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile
To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him
And I do

This damn song is stuck in my head. Actually just the chorus. AAAGGGGHHHH!!!! That and THE Love Song (which I don't mind having my inner voices sing).

Oh, John by Paula Cole

Oh John, oh John, oh John

Never lose the memory of April twenty-six
Your hands designed my body
You autographed my hip
I lost all my worry
I lost all sense of time
My fears evaporated
When you held me in your oh my god and

Oh John, in a New York hotel room
In a truck off the back road
Southwest of Chicago
Oh John, in a New England fairground
on a lawn in the backyard
in a town in Colorado, oh
Oh John, oh John, oh John

Saturate my consciousness with sweet elixir wine
Your body is the chalice your spirit is the vine
I lose all my worry
I lose all sense of time
My fears evaporate
When you hold me in your oh my god and

Oh John, in a New York hotel room
In a truck off the back road
Southwest of Chicago
Oh John, in a New England fairground
on a lawn in the backyard
in a town in Colorado, oh
Oh John, oh John, oh John

And everytime I see the ocean you're there
And everytime I see the forest you're on my mind
In my life, flooding me with memories like

Oh John, in a New York hotel room
In a truck off the back road
Southwest of Chicago
Oh John, in a New England fairground
on a lawn in the backyard
in a town in Colorado, oh
Oh John, oh John, oh John

Closer by Nine Inch Nails

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive

. . .

Yeah, one of those days

Cosmic Dancer by Johanna's House of Glamour

Lyrics by Marc Bolan

I was dancing when I was twelve
I was dancing when I was ... aaah
I danced myself right out the womb
Is it strange to dance so soon ?
I danced myself right out of the womb

I was dancing when I was eight
Is it strange to dance so late ?
I danced myself into the tomb
Is it strange to dance so soon ?
I danced myself into the tomb

Is it wrong to understand
The fear that dwells inside a man
What's it like to be a loon ?
I liken it to a balloon

I danced myself out of the womb
Is it strange to dance so soon ?
I danced myself into the tomb
But then again, once more ...
I danced myself out of the womb
Is it strange to dance so soon ?
I danced myself out of the womb